Icarus Conference Call 7/19/09
(notes: chiaroscuro/molly has back up notes on paper in pen)
present:
bmad (SF)
inel/molly (asheville)
after (ohio)
mcp (ohio)
rrribit (didn't catch location)
martina (australia!)
strangedoll (asheville)
dionysiandialect/steven (portland, OR)
sandpiper (asheville)
chiaroscuro (olympia, WA)
erin (arizona)
laura (NYC)
claire (NYC)
stephany (detroit)
greetings, introductions, etc... molly agrees to take notes, bmad and chiaroscuro to co-facilitate (although mostly bmad as this was my first call). bmad suggests an 'icebreaker' -- talk about what's in our wellness toolboxes. and/or 'passion projects' people are excited about right now.
agenda:
* check-ins
* NYC group encountering difficulties
* 'heartstorm' of current passion projects
* check-outs
decisions agreed upon:
* another conference call scheduled for August 2nd (first Sunday) as a support group meeting for people in local groups or wanting to start one
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* check-ins (with a few small detours):
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rrribit: new to icarus but it has exploded onto landscape of life! excited about stepping away from medicalizing, likes balance of allowing people to find what really works for them... loves homemade things, icarus feels like a very homemade project.
steven: in toolbox, endless walks in city w/ another person who's undiagnosed -- drifting around making observations about city and how it affects them psychologically, ie, corners cause anxiety -- the physical structure of the built environment causes reactions... based on french term "derivé" (to drift). making a zine about it.
bmad: fyi -- sandpiper has been organizing links to different zines on the forums
after: interested in humane ways to take care of people, and spreading word about what people don't know about psychiatry
stephany: trying to start local group in detroit
molly: suggests a call specific to helping people start/support local groups
martina: chicken/egg issue, which comes first, real community or virtual community?
molly: fyi -- the "friends make the best medicine" guide has been in 'draft' form for years, there's interest in updating/beefing it up, welcomes input
chiaroscuro: strange recent addition to wellness toolbox -- cable tv! provides sense of community that's false but still helps feel calmer/happier.
after: tv can be a good (hopefully temporary) substitute -- whatever gets you through.
sandpiper: excited about organic groups, the wonkavator, using different collaboration tools available to us, working on the icarus zine.
strangedoll: feels like listening today, won't be talking much.
bmad: happy to be here, has been using mad map a lot (great tool, 'advanced directive' taken to another level, triggers + healthy opposites etc), carrying it with her and showing to people... elected to be interviewed by ABC news for mad pride piece, showed mad map to them, getting idea out into the mainstream.
molly: does these calls a lot, always a delight, lots of people on calls is comforting and creates momentum
claire: recent tensions and issues within NYC group
laura: didn't wanna harsh the mellow but yeah, NYC group is going through some difficult group dynamics
erin: excited about the passion projects, starting to feel more passionate lately after getting through a rough spot.
chiaroscuro: process point -- seems like everyone's checked in, proposes starting agenda with what's happening in NYC as that seems urgent.
bmad: suggests this can be tied in with what's going on in other groups too
molly: time-check and process question -- can anyone NOT stay late on the call? (most can)
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* what's up in NYC?
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claire: approached NYC group about 'safe space' discussion which had been brought up outside group -- feeling that people weren't comfortable talking about needs in that space... there was a push-back, some people feeling 'restrained' by idea of safe space. ex: a request during check-in that people specify which pronouns they preferred, resulted in push-back... group is blocked, can't proceed with conversation until everyone agrees on terms/framework of conversation.
martina: was the issue that "it's already a safe space" or something different?
claire: push-back is coming almost entirely from one person, who feels that the agreements gone over before every meeting are enough already. some talk of "meetings should happen more organically, we don't need more rules"
rrribit: what did this person WANT to be able to do that they felt a safe space wouldn't allow?
laura: when people feel coerced and restricted, it's by the need to respond to other people's boundaries... like it's asking too much of the group... interacting with people with different levels of privilege is always hard.
rrribit: is there a "we want to stay together" group feeling?
laura: the resistant folks are the ones who are able to talk about it... the people needing support are the ones feeling frustrated and leaving the meetings.
chiaroscuro: are there local anti-oppression resources to tap into to help the resistant folks understand why this is important?
laura: pretty confident that suggesting extra training won't go over well... a phenomenal anti-oppression activist actually sat down and explained things but it didn't stick. some people are speaking and having words appropriated and ignored, like "I hear you BUT... (rejection of what you say)"
chiaroscuro: are there enough people to split into two groups?
laura: kinda funny to have a predominately white, straight male support group
(pained laughter from the group in recognition of the prevalence of this particular problem)
chiaroscuro: was wondering if that was the case here...
mcp: white straight males need safe space too
laura: but if the creation of that space mean it's unwelcoming to all others? certain people feel entitled, as long as THEIR needs are met, then any other needs are 'additional' and not important... finds this mind-boggling and doesn't have the compassion to hold a resistant person's hand through it.
inel: suggests forming a working group to address this housekeeping issue -- abiding by the icarus principles is the ONLY requirement to starting an icarus group. suggests bringing up key points of the icarus principles... boundaries and respecting them are a huge, critical piece of what we do. it's another chicken/egg issue -- who's at the table? how to talk about how we talk about anything?
bmad: helped 'seed' the original NYC group years ago, was in similar situation with one (straight/white/male) member blocking everything... cultural competency issues... eventually asked this person to step back from the group.
mcp: clarifies earlier comment, didn't mean to be disrespectful, but speaking as a S/W/M, if you step on other people, you're creating unsafe space (I didn't entirely catch this comment)
laura: thanks molly and bmad for the ideas, has been holding the group together with claire, is tired and frustrated... "how many people do I need to see feeling upset and leaving the meetings before we draw that line??"
molly: if one person is given the power to hijack the whole group, it's appropriate to ask them to change their relationship with the work you do -- group cohesiveness is important.
martina: ditto
molly: believes in power all of us possess to change our lives at any moment. it's okay to set boundaries and ask people to reflect, but also, to create a space for them to come back around later... possible to give people 'extraordinary accommodation' but also set boundaries.
bmad: time-check -- 1/4 past the hour, proposes having another conference call, first Sunday in August, support group meeting for local groups. (no blocks, so consensus achieved and call scheduled)
steven: portland group is planning a sunday brunch/meeting with other NW groups
molly: seattle group had their local collective housekeeping meetings on sundays before the conference calls.
chiaroscuro: olympia now seems to have two groups, will investigate...
molly: anyone interested in status of local groups can send inquiries to support@theicarusproject.net (??) to get info.
rrribit: thanks laura and claire for stepping up, acknowledges pain and stress of what they and their group are going through, believes we're the ones to "really get down to it" and do it with integrity.
mcp: acknowledges difficulty of asking one member to step back but it's actually a way of being welcoming.
bmad: time-check, suggests space-clearing/heartstorm check-outs
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* check-outs/heartstorm
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molly: good call, diversity of voices makes us richer and stronger, hopes we don't lose energizing ideas and projects... feel free to use 'organic groups' tools... and think about how we can maintain identity as we grow.
bmad: safe space from biomedical model, people taking agency, "one no and many yesses," healing, etc... announcement: in 2010 the world social forum is happening in detroit, icarus has been asked to do a workshop, but there's also interest in an international/intergalactic gathering to coincide with the event.
stephany: that would be awesome, hopes to have a detroit group going by then.
steven: great first time wonkavator call although had to leave for part of it. portland group is experimenting with holding support groups for non-diagnosed people who have similar problems so they don't have to turn to the mainstream model.
molly: her local group welcomes the diagnosed and undiagnosed -- more diversity is awesome.
after: excited about the 'friends make the best medicine' guide, has experienced friends making the worst medicine at times.
chiaroscuro: excited about resurrecting the zine project, would like more people to help out, but is going to make sure one gets made this time no matter what.
sandpiper: reese is also interested in helping with the zine when we can break the work down into tasks to plug into.
molly: fyi -- organic groups has a 'task list' feature.
rrribit: would like to see a road map to keep the essence of icarus for new people joining in -- guidance, resources, suggestions of people to talk to for certain things, etc
molly: when you joined site did you see "if you are new, welcome" and hit the welcome page? interested in getting input from rrribit as a new member.
rrribit: immediately jumped to forums and tried to get connected. happy to give input.
erin: since the welcome page is on the main site, suggests having a sticky topic about it in the introductions forum.
chiaroscuro: likes that idea, didn't know about the welcome page. has observed a lot of new people coming in but not 'sticking' and wonders if they feel confused/overwhelmed. as an older member would like to help make site accessible to newcomers -- sometimes a cohesive group can be intimidating.
molly: the welcome page is new, and being liaisons etc is part of the new support group concept that will be up in organic groups soon.
laura: thanks everyone for support
claire: appreciates support, feels discouraged and tired but hopes to find strength to go in there and take care of things.
bmad: take care of yourselves too! glad to hear of buddy-work between claire and laura, that's important.
rrribit: for these guys who are being resistant, this is part of their process of re-entering community, sometimes we all go through that, pushing people away, etc.... don't feel guilty about setting boundaries.
after: shares a "SQUEE!" from siduri the guinea pig
molly: anyone else need to check-out? final words? invites people to stay in touch with each other, through the site, PMs, conferences calls, etc. proposes a collective 'sound-out' to honor that which has been unsaid and those with us in spirit.
(howling and squeeing ensues)
/end notes! whew.