hello out there in icarus-world!

as an overly intellectual academic, i am oft struggling with the emotional side of my version of crazy. which is to say that i am forever analyzing myself like my own personal freud- those three psych courses seem sometimes to have done me more harm than good.

so... what does that all mean? i suppose that my round-about way of understanding my oddly flowing emotions has served me alright; after getting out of an intensely emotionally abusive relationship, my friend said to me "all emotions are valid, not all emotions are based on reality" which settled into my mind and clicked into place. yesterday, while semi-napping (really just laying in bed before my tofu shift), i was pondering this knack of mine to forever self-analyze, to see every emotion that i can't explain as this problematic puzzle to solve, like leaky pipes or a too-slow computer. but emotions aren't leaky pipes, they aren't always someting to be "solved". right? I suppose where the conundrum lies is in that intellectual part of me, the one that is always able to solve problems, feels not-good-enough when i can't "solve" my own emotions.

this all sounds very zen of me- don't solve emotions, just let them be. but maybe its just a question of restructuring my thoughts, something about not just letting them be, but not judging myself for being unsure how to deal with them. i suppose, in the grander scheme of things, that's what i'm trying to get at, not judging myself. not seeing myself as worthless, as incapable.

who will i be when i start to get this all sorted out?

-etoile de mer avec des ailes