You know, I realize I'm supposed to sleep and all that, and I know I have gotten into a good routine with the whole sleep thing, but last night it just really wasn't possible. Ben moved out yesterday morning and I didn't expect to have real trouble sleeping, but...*sigh*

I sat there reading this Trauma and Recovery book, because I figured I'd use the time that he's gone to work through a lot of issues I'm still dealing with from when I was little, and I learned a lot, but then I realized that I was mainly just stalling from going to bed because I was nervous about it. I don't like laying around and being unable to fall asleep. That's been happening to me since I was about 2 years old, and I finally got control over it through meditation, and if it happens now I kinda freak out. So anyway, I finally convinced myself to get to bed.

The thing that I didn't realize was just how paranoid I was feeling. There were two guys standing outside of our bedroom window the other night (when Ben was still here), and we heard them talking about which apartments in our building were easiest to break in to. Didn't hear when they were planning to do it, though, haha. There have been a lot of break-ins in the neighborhood lately (which we found out by talking to our neighbors), and so last night I just got super super paranoid and every little noise I heard made me get up and check all the locks on the doors and peek out the windows to make sure everything was ok. Didn't help that when I finally did drift off to sleep, someone called (at 2:30 AM!).

Anyway, the time that I actually did fall asleep for a few minutes, it was crazy...like something entered my brain and was whispering a lot of soothing words, and the phrase that sticks out was "melt it away," because my brain was racing, and I guess that phrase just really hit me, because it made me feel so much better. That actually calmed me. So I guess something inside me was trying to watch out for me? Dunno. Whatever. Things are so stressful and up in the air right now that I'm having a hard time even relaxing. I really need to do some meditation.

Meh. Shit sucks. Get over it.

Now if I can just get my mind to stop racing tonight.