do people read these things? that's sort of a funny idea to me. now that someone could be listening, i don't think that i have anything to say. i guess that's the problem with me and this "blogging" thing. i'm private and an exhibitionist and neurtoic and paranoid all at once. i think that's what i found disturbing (slightly) about perzines too. one time at a party in a city i did not live in, a perfect stranger approached, misquoted me to myself from a zine my roommate had written and proceded to act like we were already intimate friends. and maybe it was just me, but everyone else seemed to act like that was a perfectly normal thing to do. i guess that's maybe why i've often struggled about this whole "normal" thing. whatever the case.

i talked "politics" today for the first time in a few years with an almost perfect stranger who's job occasionally intersects with mine.  i find dudes often very dudely about politics - "my way is the way" or something. or maybe it's me incessantly picking apart people when i notice parts of their "political infrastructure" to be lacking in some pretty important departments. if i hear one more radical boy talk about hot chicks in the same breath as they are denouncing global corporate hegemony, i think i will fucking lose it. and i always wanna call them on it, but where's that spine that used to get me in so much trouble, when it comes to dealing with manarchists? like a fucking butterfly to a molotov, tho, i wanna talk to this dude again. maybe i wanna fight with someone, maybe it's cuz he's the first person i've hung out with in six months that isn't required to put up with me. i just hate when all of a sudden, as soon as there's another boy in the room, immediately the political concepts are directed at him and not me. i hold myself well in a conversation, but i'm tired of treading water where i'm not welcome, or where i was welcome until my voice was trumped by a penis yet again.

those dudes can have their saussage parties of self-fucking-congradulatory pats on the back for being being such enlightened thinkers, but far as i can tell, if your politics don't extend past the ideologies, don't bore me with the details.

maybe i'll stick it to him about manarchism. that would be nice and feel good. i wanna be called on my shit, i would hope others would be receptive as well??