One indulges in a behavior or pattern of behaviors which are known to some degree to be harmful, i.e.; Consuming substances which are hazardous in their nature and/or become hazardous when indulged in to an excessive degree, Spending excessively thereby incurring unmanageable debt, Engaging in blatantly risky activities, Restricting oneself to obsessive relationships as a way to distance oneself from perceived risk of rejection, In essence, anything that can be of harm to oneself if partaken of without sufficient reason. One initiates and performs the chosen behavior impulsively in order to reliably circumvent the process of reason and prevent one's awareness from employing self-control. The behavior is undertaken to obtain immediate pleasure and gratification in order to support a fundamental denial and compulsively avoid something which the individual is meant to be aware of To grow, to heal To progress and become whole but something which the person believes wholeheartedly they are incapable of dealing with or processing. Then... in the aftermath of the behavior, a pressing and unwieldy guilt arises because the person now awakens, only too late, to the true nature of what they have done. Guilt quickly slides into self-loathing as the person asks, "What have I done? Why would I do this?..." Which slides into, "I am no good. I am worthless..." (Notice how in the previous step there was still preserved the hope that naturally exists in inquiry whereas in the present step potentially helpful inquiry has been wholly abandoned for a declarative self-punishment.) And on into despair, "What hope is there left. I might as well give up..." (Now mind you that even though the wording of these thoughts and feelings differ somewhat between individuals and they may indeed to some degree be unconsciously 'spoken', the essence of these feelings remains the same as it is this essence which characterizes the Self-Destructive Cycle itself.) ...And here is where the cycle makes its final curve into both completion and perpetuity as a person in true despair sees no point in pursuing anything but that very self-destructive behavior which has nonetheless been the only source of comfort and pleasure they have allowed themselves to know. So the Self-Destruction continues often for years, sometimes for a lifetime. And what is abundantly clear from the above description is that negative reinforcement of any form whatsoever can never work to stop the cycle and in fact only further perpetuates it as the negative reinforcement only comes to justify punishing oneself all the more. Now one might assume from this fact then that the opposite general method, positive reinforcement, is the path to healing. However, even though positive reinforcement certainly has its part in any healing process, this method alone cannot be one's sole salvation. If relied on alone, positive reinforcement threatens to become an object of dependence itself and the danger of this is so well hidden because of the method's apparent and often times drastic and immediate benefits. The most important thing to remember when approaching any addictive or self-destructive cycle is that the object should never be to trade one dependence for another, no matter how pleasureable or rewarding the replacement may seem, for any dependence only covers over something unattractive or frightening, but can never heal. The objective is to heal from and transcend dependence itself, in all of its forms, by first uncovering the shadowy fissure within that we were hiding from through our compulsive behaviors in the first place. And herein lies the rub... So all of this being true, it is only self-awareness which can provide a foundation for healing. Of all things in the entirety of my life, this is the most important thing I have learned. But the question that continues to burn through to the heart of me...: Is self-awareness enough? I'm missing something. Answers or pieces, I am missing something.