i don't know who will be reading this.  i guess it doesn't matter.  i'm bipolar.  i don't take medicine.  i understand the world through my emotions.  usually i'm okay.  i learned a long time ago that to be okay i have to eat right, sleep enough, and generally take care of my body.  but sometimes, even when i do these things, i'm not okay.  but i also know that to see the beauty of everything, sometimes i have to plummet to the depths and understand the other side.  i've always felt like there is something enormous and powerful inside me, trying to get out.  i think my struggle is a cross that i bear.  it has to be this way for the enormous and powerful gift to the world to come out.  not that i'm any more special than anyone else or anything.  ha ha, my delusions of granduer are already surfacing.  

when i was much younger.  maybe when i was in high school, i realized that we understand things in proportion to their opposites.  we understand goodness in proportion to the pain we can comprehend.  we understand suffering in proportion to our understanding of comfort.  the degree to which we are able to appreciate when things are good is equal to the degree we understand things when they are bad.  i figured this out a long time ago.  it still makes sense to me.  it's how i know the world. i revel in the beauty and i get mired down in the pain.  

so that's my first blog.  i've been curious about the icarus project for a long time.  it's one of the few things that seems to understand the urge to remain unmedicated.  like me.