It has dawned on me recently that I have hit another rut.  My life is so comfertable I get up whenever I want, I go to bed whenever I want, and I do anything that I can afford to do.  I have a imited amount of resposibility and the main thing keeping me from moving forward is stress.  Stress as you all know is probably the root of alll mental illness relapses and anyone would agree is a legitimate reason for not proceeding forward in my life.  Yet I realize that the fear of stress will and has inevitably put the breaks on my life and my forward progress.  Also not all stress is bad as some of you may know there are two types of stress namely eustress and distress.  Eustress from what I understand is the good stress and consists of those things that keep us going.  From what I understand common eustressors consists of things like remembering to pay the bills, rent, and things of this nature.  Distress on the other hand are stressors that can be and have been for me debilitating such as when a family member dies or something tragic happends and have to deal with the emotions and behaviors that follow.

I have realized as of late that I shouldn't allow the fear to drive for me.  Afterall the fear more than anything is what has kept here.  As of now I resolve to tell the fear to pull over and take the wheel and drive myself.  I have asperations and dreams and I cannot and will not be driven into a ditch!

Beside being med complient and using the techniques I learned in CBT to keep my mental health stable I want to have more than just being good or okay whenever my friends ask how I am doing.  I want to have that occasional fantastic day where I get home and talk about the blast I had at work resolving such and such an issue with flying colors.  I want to be proud of myself I want to utilize my full potential I want not to need food stamps or medical assisatnce or social secuity checks...I WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE!  I believe that this is but a first step in the long process to realizing my true potential but at least I am moving forward,