the holidays
no more pretending  cheer--
as good as those intentions had been--
i can't bear to hear what they will bring up
at the dinner table,
about what they thought was freudian and cute
i always remember the pretty arrangements
my mother makes with pine and candles
she is the most christian atheist i know
or perhaps it is the pagan in her
wanting to celebrate yule.
it is just the timing is off sometimes
we were always stepping outside of time
when we laughed or cried
through oyster stew on christmas eve
the natural opiates settling in
the holidays would pass us by before you knew it
but holy music still rang in the ears for a while after
sacred choirs and the smell of cinnamon
and sour tastes of gin in our mouths