"At some point I started to think the radio was talking to me, and I started reading all these really deep meanings in the billboards downtown and on the highways that no one else was seeing. I was convinced there were subliminal messages everywhere"¦People would talk to me and I was obsessed with the idea that there was this whole other language underneath what we thought we were saying that everyone was using without even realizing it."

The Bipolar World - SF Bay Guardian September 2002

Learning to use your X-Ray SpeX

It is a common experience among people struggling with "mental disorders" to see things that the people around them don't see. While it is common for medical authorities to write off people's visions as mere delusions and recommend higher levels of medication, quite often the things we see and hear are evidence of a heightened sensitivity"”of the thin skin that comes with madness. Our porous nature allows us to have an intimate relationship with parts of the world other people will only ever read about. Like all the classic superheroes, our superpowers are dangerous gifts that intensify the struggle of our lives. But they are superpowers, and we can learn to use them.

There is actually a whole academic discipline based around the idea that every cultural object has multiple meanings and can be interpreted the same way as spoken or written language. It's called semiotics-the study of symbols and signs. Semiotics is based on the idea that there are myths being created around us all the time that affect our relationship to reality. The same way that we give words meaning, we give meaning to the objects around us. Meaning occurs in multiple layers. For example: while someone might have a car to drive around in, that car might also symbolize freedom or independence. We live in a society that is saturated by media created myths-advertising and public relations firms know how to play on our fears and desires, subconsciously manipulating the way we think. Although we're just looking at a billboard advertising a car, we're also being told how life is supposed to be lived and where we should look for happiness. We're getting all kinds of messages sent to us. Semiotics has mathematical-like formulas for breaking down and understanding things into multiple levels based on a linguistic model of communication.

For some, this work is purely academic and logical, but for those of us who by our very nature feel things strongly and internalize the cultures-being able to SEE THROUGH advertisements and the content of TV shows can either be very liberating or of the world around us-being able to SEE THROUGH advertisements and the content of TV shows can either be very liberating or apocalyptically nightmarish. How we experience it has a lot to do with whether or not we have others like ourselves to validate our opinions or keep us in check with our paranoid delusions. Collaborating with the visions of others is an integral part of learning to use our heightened perceptions.

Discounting people's experiences as delusional is a great way to make them feel disempowered and sick. Our day-to-day life is made up of relationships with objects and people, interactions that create our experience of the world. Just because the things that contribute to our experiences are particularly intense is not a reason to think of our lives as something that can be discounted. Our identities are wrapped up in the world around us"”we define ourselves in relation to it. In this time and place, the world is largely made up of the images we see on TV and in magazines. We act like the dramas we watch, and we want the things we're shown.

There are always multiple layers, and for those of us who can see through the surface and into the center of things"”objects, TV shows, advertisements, the text in books"”the effect of those media can be intense in ways that other people don't understand. Sometimes our hearts are struck open by something seemingly insignificant to those around us. While feeling things so deeply can make it hard to function in this society, our sensitivity can be harnessed and used in powerful ways.

Learning to Use Our X-Ray Visions

Here are some exercises to stimulate interesting discussion and learn how to share some of the crazy thoughts in your head.

Learning to see multiple meanings:

Exercise #1:

How can conversations with others like ourselves deepen our varied understandings of that which exists below the surface? 1. One person leads the exercise. That person brings a piece of mainstream media like a magazine cover, an ad from a newspaper, or a description of a TV show plot or item that was on the news, etc. 2. The person who's introducing the media spends a few minutes talking about what he/she sees on the surface of the piece, and then talks about what the other layers of meaning are that they see happening behind or inside it. 3. Ask for comments from other people. Do other people see the same things? Do they agree or disagree? Do they see other messages? 4. Talk about how these messages affect people's minds and who makes them. Are these messages made by people we trust? Do we want to take them in? How might they affect us in positive or negative ways? What do they do to people's consciousness?

Exercise #2: Can we use our x-ray vision to see the messages in things that aren't cultural objects? How about a tree? If we imagine that a tree is talking to us, what would it be saying? What would we say back? It's possible that the things we are hearing are things we really need to know.

Exercise #3: Can we learn to recognize the boundaries between our x-ray visions and our dangerous delusions? Start a facilitated discussion about the following: Of all the messages you're receiving, are there any that you think might be paranoid delusions or fantasies? Try talking openly about those things that might not actually be real. Sometimes our brains and bodies can take us beyond the messages that lie behind things that exist and into the realm of delusion. Sometimes multiple truths can exist simultaneously even if they seem to be in contradiction. Sometimes they can't. Regardless, talking about the things that scare you in a safe environment can cause them to lose their power. When we're dealing with experiences that are extraordinarily painful or harmful, diminishing their power can be a really good thing. Can we draw our own lines"”individually and as a community"”around what is defined as reality?

In all of this, it's important to remember that our gifts can be dangerous. Helping each other to stay safe is really important, and often psych drugs and other external resources can mediate our safety. Taking care of ourselves and learning how to communicate really well with one another is part of learning to use our superpowers.