I finished reading Stephen King's Bag of Bones a little while ago. It was the first book in awhile that I managed to read despite that it was lengthy and also kind of boring. But it did creep me out.

I'm listening to music because I feel kind of emotional, but I need to find something that is not repetative or too emotionally charged. It's not really helping me feel better. I haven't been as into acoustic or indie music but more into progressive metal and rock.

I've never been more into angry white boy music.

uugh I was not feeling well yesterday. The problem is staying up late when Im still used to just shutting down at a certain time. I started thinking about mom and kind of overwhelmed myself. I had flashbacks of people yelling at me.

I can't write poems online in places. Despite I feel like they are positive and abtract, people on allpoetry always find some way to critisize them or just don't bother commenting or reading. It seems kind of stupid to be a poetry community if it's like that. I don't know what it is about my poetry that is so horrible.

Oh well who cares. I shouldn't have been thinking so much about things yesterday because I just felt horrible. I still feel kind of horrible. 

God I am an emotional wreck.

It's not the end of the world, this I know. This is why I don't have much belief in the mental illness stuff. They'd just tell me I'm depressed right now. That my seratonin is not happy. I know that it's not true at all. Though it may seem like I feel like hell for no reason.

I should go swimming, I will.

I have a lot of dreams about getting on planes. I have had quite a few of Marilyn Manson. I must relate to him. lol.

I like the unrestrained violence and anger. Sometimes violence is good, at least he makes art from it. He does a good job too.

hahaha I thought Bruno was funny.

I am listening to KMFDM and it reminded me of the movie. The founding member's name is Sascha and it's a little German sounding.

I think Paula Abdul was scarred by the naked mexican.

I waited so long to watch Requiem for a Dream because my dad said that it was the most horrifying movie he had seen. I didn't think so. I like it because of the movie editing. It was freaky but it didn't traumatize me. The only part that was hard to watch was the near end and when his arm was messed up.

I can't stand movies that are gorey though...I don't watch many new horror movies because of that. The Friday-13 movies I haven't seen. And I never watched the Ring movies after I saw the girl in the closet it just freaked me out. I probably could stand it but it just grosses me out. The gore probably doesn't even scare me but the idea behind it and how much it dominates the movie.

I'm going to the beach in awhile yay New Jersey!