Introduction
Submitted by recoveringophelia on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 8:41pmI just wanted to introduce myself to the Icarus Project. I'm going through a lot right now. I am trying to go back to work. I have been working part time, but need to get back full time.
I feel like a part of me is trying to recover. It feels really confusing and strange.
I have had two competing labels: one camp of doctors says bipolar II/ bipolar spectrum.
The second set says dysthymia with some anxiety/ PTSD stuff.
I've been hospitalized once before. I spent a week in the wrong section of the hospital; was put on an awful lot of medication, and treated as if I didn't really have a hope in heaven to recovery, and felt treated like damaged goods. At least that's what it felt like. They blindly said alcohol was the problem, even when I wasn't drinking. It made no sense. It set me off on a path without a compass.
There is some really difficult behavioral stuff I don't know how to explain. I feel I live in shadows, a lot. I isolate a lot. There is bad stuff. There is a history.
I'm not sure. I feel ugly. I feel like an impostor.
I have agoraphobia. I have anxiety.
But I'm here. I guess people feel like me, but I still feel alone.