Darkness
Submitted by vacancy on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 2:36pm
Some people can think of better ways to live. I have an easier time thinking of shittier ways to die. It can even be a fun contest. Isa and I pulled that shit until seven in the morning at the Vegas Diner in Coney Island. There was nothing better to do. We were still brand new and I hadn't yet mustered up the nerve to reach over and pull her against me. Think of all those crucified, burned or buried alive, humiliated, tortured, plagued and otherwise wasted. Ask yourself if it's fair to painlessly die in your sleep.
Then ask yourself why your mouth is all over hers, hands creeping down the ass of her pants.
When I put myself at the mercy of chance and the Principle of Mediocrity, sprawled at the edge of billions of years and trillions of galaxies and whatever this all is, pain and death don't seem like such ominous little bullies anymore. The godless expanse of space and light and darkness and matter has no compassion for me. Nor does God if you prefer it that way. God wouldn't spare the billions their pain, and he won't spare you.
Wouldn't even spare his own kid.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On one of those razor sharp winter nights in High Falls, I spread out in a field with some friends to laugh beneath a meteor shower. With work looming the next morning, my plan was to stay up all night and work on autopilot. I'm good at that. I took a few shots of Irish, passed it on and focused my eyes beyond the light show, straight into the band of the galaxy. My body stretched against a flat, vertical earth in a crucified position. The earth spun faster and faster and I made tight fists around frozen grass to keep myself attached. A battering ram hit harder and faster against the inside of my chest.
I let go.
I let go and began drifting into the void. Faster and faster. My body became lighter and thinner until it no longer mattered. It fell behind my disembodied thoughts, which accelerated to many billions of times the speed of light at a steady course, dissatisfied with anything except the very edge of the universe.
By no one's design, beyond a trillion years came an instant, and in that instant, the thoughts passed the edge of the universe and there was nothing. No dark, light, gas, solid, liquid. No galaxies, solar systems, stars, planets. No hot, no cold, no time. Just a single remaining thought. And it asked,
"Why nothing?"
Existence began to flood the void. There can never be nothing. There can never be never. There is always hope for something, forever and ever.
I called in sick to work three hours later, and they fired me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ninety-five percent of the universe is comprised of dark energy and dark matter. When you inescapably discover that you're overwhelmingly empty and dark behind the stars in your eyes, remember that you are part of a universal theme of darkness, spattered with tiny pricks of light. Everything's wrong and you're gonna be alright.
Then ask yourself why your mouth is all over hers, hands creeping down the ass of her pants.
When I put myself at the mercy of chance and the Principle of Mediocrity, sprawled at the edge of billions of years and trillions of galaxies and whatever this all is, pain and death don't seem like such ominous little bullies anymore. The godless expanse of space and light and darkness and matter has no compassion for me. Nor does God if you prefer it that way. God wouldn't spare the billions their pain, and he won't spare you.
Wouldn't even spare his own kid.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On one of those razor sharp winter nights in High Falls, I spread out in a field with some friends to laugh beneath a meteor shower. With work looming the next morning, my plan was to stay up all night and work on autopilot. I'm good at that. I took a few shots of Irish, passed it on and focused my eyes beyond the light show, straight into the band of the galaxy. My body stretched against a flat, vertical earth in a crucified position. The earth spun faster and faster and I made tight fists around frozen grass to keep myself attached. A battering ram hit harder and faster against the inside of my chest.
I let go.
I let go and began drifting into the void. Faster and faster. My body became lighter and thinner until it no longer mattered. It fell behind my disembodied thoughts, which accelerated to many billions of times the speed of light at a steady course, dissatisfied with anything except the very edge of the universe.
By no one's design, beyond a trillion years came an instant, and in that instant, the thoughts passed the edge of the universe and there was nothing. No dark, light, gas, solid, liquid. No galaxies, solar systems, stars, planets. No hot, no cold, no time. Just a single remaining thought. And it asked,
"Why nothing?"
Existence began to flood the void. There can never be nothing. There can never be never. There is always hope for something, forever and ever.
I called in sick to work three hours later, and they fired me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ninety-five percent of the universe is comprised of dark energy and dark matter. When you inescapably discover that you're overwhelmingly empty and dark behind the stars in your eyes, remember that you are part of a universal theme of darkness, spattered with tiny pricks of light. Everything's wrong and you're gonna be alright.
