(This format was inspired by Rogue's hilarious letters to algebra class, school, the weather, and other such things in Daily Roll Call today, Feb. 7, 2007)

Dear Pink Cloud:
Why did you have to go away? Why do I always believe, when I am in you, that you will stay, and I have everything figured out now, and have found some kind of lasting happiness and contentment, and then your time is up and I am reminded that not only am I human, I am a very sensitive human with very special and volatile moods, and sometimes, sometimes they are BAD moods!
Please come back.
Don't be such a tease
-Ashley

Dear Food:
Why does it seem so reasonable, in the middle of February, to inhale massive amounts of you, including the kinds I'm allergic to, and the kinds that get me addicted to sugar, and then one day I wake up and admit that I am rapidly gaining my winter weight, but by now I can't stop eating?
Can't we just get along?
your slave,
Ashley

Dear Mom:
Today my shaman and I did rituals to let your spirit go, and now I feel all lonely and fucked up and like I'm bad for needing to move on. You were never very nice to me, until the very end, and yet it's really hard to let you go, cause you're familiar, even if you're not kind. Now I don't know where you are, and I really am on my own, and I don't want to admit it, but it's true. I'm tired of being an adult tonight. I'm tired of feeding myself and paying the bills and taking care of the cat and emptying the trash and watering the chickens and fueling the car and answering 50,000 emails. I feel like I've been trying to be an adult since I was about 7, when you stopped being an adult, and I would like a vacation now. But I'm all alone in my house and no one else is going to cook dinner, and if I just drink a bunch of whiskey I'll be insane, so I'm stuck with reality, dammit. Have a nice trip. I miss you. I hate you. I want to be kind and loving. My heart hurts. Good night.
-Ashley

Dear weather,

I like it cold but I have to say that even I am getting a little impatient. I've only got so many pairs of long underwear. Could we have a little break? Maybe the temperature could hit freezing for a few hours? Maybe if we stop complaining about global warming for a day you'll show us some?

under multiple layers of synthetic fabric,

Ashley

Dear eyes,
Would you just stop burning? Can you just get over your whining? I don't know what is making you so upset. I give you rest, I wash you with tea, I take you to the doctor, I buy you ointments and drops, I close you, I open you, I put on sunglasses, I shade you with my hands, and you're still very upset. I am trying my best. Can't this just get easier? I'd like to get on with my life.
-Ashley

Dear meditation cushion,
Yes, I see you. Yes, I know that i am happier when I sit on you frequently. But I just can't convince myself to stop my day, and I have compiled such a good arsenal of excuses about why I don't need to spend time with you. If I'm honest, I know that they all suck, but I'm being stubborn. Maybe it's february. maybe it's all the sugar I can't seem to stop eating. maybe it's something cosmic that I don't understand. but i'm finding it hard to spend time with you.
sorry,
Ashley

Dear computer,

You are such a mixed blessing. Lovely tool of communication and devilish time-sucking piece of technology. I feel myself getting rather addicted to you. I'm breaking my rules. I can't stop checking my emails. You call out to me all the time. You're such a wonderful and dangerous thing to have around when I am living alone. Can we discuss the middle way? A little moderation?

how bout if you take the night off,

A

Dear heart,

I know that you are broken. I try valiantly to ignore it. I'm sorry that my survival rituals involve a lot of moving with speed and getting so busy I can't hear you when you are hurting. It's really hard to slow down and listen. I'm afraid it will capsize me to feel all of it. I really, really, just want to be OK. I really want to be done with sick and crazy. I want to be part of the human race. I'm afraid that if I really open up to you i will get swept away. But I guess that human race hurts a lot, huh, and I'm probably a little more human if I'm not moving so fast. whoops.

let's have tea some time,

A

Dear selves,

There are a lot of us. We don't always communicate so well, do we? Lately a pretty pushy version has been driving the bus. I think she kinda forgot about some of the others. She was a little swept away and very giddy. She was doing her best, really, but she was really buying into this whole story that we're all OK and better now. She's pretty attached to being all done healing and ready to take on the world. Can you blame her? It would get pretty boring if she drove the bus all the time though. We've got a lot more personality between the many of us. I'm glad you're all here, even if it gets confusing sometimes.

-ashley

Dear God,

I do not understand. I do not understand why things change like they do. I don't understand why I change like I do. I don't understand why the kaleidoscope involves so many colors. I don't understand how so many threads of reality can co-exist. I don't understand why I got dealt the hand I got dealt, or why any of us get the cards we do. I don't understand anything about justice or fate or love, and sometimes I'm not really sure how much I know about what is real. If you could help me to accept the fluid nature of it all, i would appreciate it. Help me hold the paradox. I know I do a lot of violence to myself and others when i try to make it all fit into one storyline.

a bit confused,

Ashley