I've given it all up. The weed, the liquor/beer, the coffee, the ciggs, the preservatives, the additives.

And I can't say I remember a more clear time in my life. A more stable emotional state.

It wasn't easy either. In fact, it's taken me 13 years to quit weed/alcohol/ciggs, three to quit coffee, and I still run into preservatiives and additives. Those are really hard to avoid.

It isn't like I did any of the above on any regular addicted basis. It was always a choice to do any of them. I would quit for periods of time. Pick them up again out of fun or stress.

They were friends in good times and bad. But now I don't need them so much.

I guess I just want to be healthy, and be able to predict myself a little bit.

So now I'm going to work on thinking postively. Altering my cognitive state in ways that help me appreciate my life a little more. I mean, I really don't like being sad all the time. I don't like being disgusted with the world. 

It requires a return to simplicity. And to being humble, thankful, curious, spontaneous, and full of faith. Overall, I want to master the art of grace in life, love, and laughter.

I want to get as close to God as possible without losing my earthbound foothold. If he were to ask me what heaven would be, I would like to say earth except without all the evil. Without war, famine, epidemics, mental illness, industry, and everything else that's making it burn up.