I can't seem to stay quiet. Its like my soul is restless and is agitating my mind to speak for it, and I can't keep it under control. I spout my opinions, ideas, thoughts, at every opprotunity and no one really seems to appreciate it at all. Usually the things I throw out to the world are called wrong in some way, I'm off factually and theories aren't solid. 

What's weird about it is that I'm having a hard time writing my term papers. I just want to type stuff like "I fucking hate John Calvin and his work ruined our society" or "Christianity has been fucking shit up for people for thousands of years, why do so many people still believe in it when the Bible is inacurate and the translations are untrustworthy." Seriously, ever hear about what happened with the Vulgate? It was the offical Bible of the Catholic Church throughout the Medieval and Renaissance periods in Europe. Lorenzo Valla figured out that a lot of it was mistranslated and corrected the latin but the corrections weren't accepted by the Church. Valla also proved the Donation of Constantie to be a forged document, shattering the Pope's authority to control the Holy Roman Empire (the Popes did it anyways).  Michelangelo's statue of Moses has horns (seriously, google a picture and you'll see) because that's how the Vulgate described him, it turns out that it was a bad translation from Hebrew to Latin and it was really supposed to say he had a shining face rather than he had horns.

All this Reformation crap is getting me down about modern people. Aren't we smarter than placing our trust, time, souls, and money into religious institutions that have time and time again exploited the faith of laypeople? No. we're not. and I can't fucking stand it. I see through the historical lense the detrimental effects of Christianity on the world and I can't imagine how so many people are blind to it, and I dont understand why no one wants to hear this perspective or why I'm seen as a bad in some way for saying this stuff. Is it because it's the truth and no one likes the hard truths or is it because they just think I'm knocking their faith? It's not the faith I hate, its the institutional faith that I can't appreciate. 

Anyways, I have an appointment with my counselor. I'm supposed to tell him how I'd like to proceed with him until the end of the semester, but I have no idea what to say. Last time he said that my anxiety and depression could just be personailty traits...isn't that lovely? I feel pretty doomed to a crappy life. more on that later I guess.  (see, I just can't shut up!)