Hey there.

This is blog entry #1. I ordinarilly don't do blogs, but I had about a week where I kept falling deeper and deeper into some dark places, and with luck and a bit of meditation managed to break through tonight, to the point where I managed to get some great fiction work done, call up some old friends, and even get a number from a girl I have a slight crush on.

Considering that before today the high point of my week was Mcgyvering my junk out of my zipper with some shaving gel and no major damage, I consider this a Very Good Thing Indeed.

I've been lurking on Icarus forever. Now I'm not. I used to have zero hope. Now I have a little bit. The World turns.

I'm just thinking how lucky I truly am, and how fragile I can be. Last night I was contemplating suicide heavily, tonight I'm feeling good. All I can do is plan for tomorrow, and hope god and brain chemistry don't laugh too hard at said plans.

I'm hoping a blog will make me more mindful, and give me something to add more structure to my day, and maybe help me meet people on this site. Also, I get to talk about stuff, which I can't do in real life so often. I always feel too guilty bringing other people in to my stuff, or they don't react well, or...you guys understand.

Anyway. Today I pulled through. Tommorow we'll see what the world can throw against me, and how bad I punch it in the face.

Or vice versa. Either way, I'll be here :)P.