Today was my husband's appointment with his Psychiatrist and Psychologist.  He took the initiative to get the car from his uncle so he could make it to the appointment without a problem.  They up'd his anti depressants.  Great.

He dropped us off at home after I finished work, and went straight to his friend's house.  I offered, knowing full well that he'd use if he went there, to tag along with our daughter so the temptation wouldn't be there.  He refused.  Two hours later, he comes home blasted (weed) and with a bottle of wine and a 20oz of beer.  I let him have it.  The wrong reaction, but my rope, has long since lost all slack.

I am honestly dangling in the breeze.

How does one reconcile guilt, responsibility for children's current lives and future self esteem, personal experience, and love (though battered beyond recognition) to make positive changes?