it is all syrupy druggy feeling this beyond-over tiredness, passed the giddy phase into these choppy dreams on the fold out futon watching the sky change out the window occasionally. i wake up all disoriented after very short naps and am surprised really not that much time had passed. it is till early. 7 pm.

they do not have the equetro til monday at the pharmacy so that is more time to think about it.

timelessness. i am on the black river, i am 5 and i fall in and henry saved me. henry died. he was like an uncle.

then i see berkeley, tripping out on the hare krisna punk band at people's park, the krisnotics.

drumming in the park, random memories and feelings i can see how the sunlight was too.

i see the aspens in new mexico, i smell new mexico all the cedar in the fireplaces.

i flash on more traumatic things i won't mention,

why does no one care about the ERA anymore? ok i know it is a symolic gesture...but is it not about time?

why does no one care that they experimented on the mentally ill without consent here. why are we treated as expendable. i don't think i am so ill either. well sometimes i feel ill. but sometimes i feel just like i have a brain they do not understand. people fear the unknown. so they medicate the unknown.

yet these pills are a tool. they are like fire. they can be useful. i am so torn on the med issue. ugh.

now suddenly i see violets in my mind's eye. i can smell them. i love those, i forgot about the lovely violets.

sorry i am indeed 3/4 asleep. i felt compelled to write.