I am in active mixed manic state self mutilating again starting to fall even faster into deeper depression been manic rapid cycling for a long time. been hospitalized, ECT, all the that stuff on meds, experienced child-adult trauma abuse sexual physical emotional had to give up place bc stopped working bpd got worse and had major spinal surgery on disability. parents only now getting divorced chaotic home- father no longer at home mother got restraining order.,, divorce nightmare... no money... my doc feel I need to be in some type of tc facility trying to find one anywhere in USA more nourishing env. I can't do the short term hospital bullshit again... I only end up feeling more agitated and angry... control taken awy from like childhood and need more trauma specific work? HELP???!!!!