Well, I'm feeling better today. I kinda pushed myself into feeling better, so for right now I am, although I'm pretty exhausted and my stomach's being weird. Anyway. Moving along. I have decided to continue moving forward, fuck what other people are doing, and everything will fall into place.

I found a ten-dollar bill on the ground outside my work this morning. I bought cigarettes and soda. Healthy, right? Who cares. That made me start thinking that maybe karma is coming back around. Maybe Ben will get that job today. I hope so.

My coworker is loaning me a book about dealing with narcissistic people. I'm interested to read it. That's my biggest trigger and I want to learn better how to handle it.

I'm thinking in short bursts. It's kinda hard for even me to keep up. My brain is in parts. One side is thinking about the immediate tasks at hand. One side is thinking about the star I painted on my wall last night. The rest is behind the curtain, to be sorted through later. I don't allow myself to think about certain things in public. My face changes. It puts people off.

I almost snapped on this one guy today. He's the guy who goes around ruining lives, calling people's landlords and tattling on them for letting people stay with them, and various other things, little attention-seeking things like letting the air out of people's tires and whatnot. And I forgot to mention, he was stalking me about three months ago. He just picks and picks at you until you can't take it anymore! But I calmed myself and took a deep breath before I spoke and I surprisingly didn't rip his head off with my super amazing capacity to speak when I'm pissed off. I'm so proud of myself, can you tell?

It seems like when there's constant turmoil in my life, I'm able to pull together, at least on the surface. My brain is moving so fast right now, it's like LIGHTNING. My mom would try and get me to go back on meds if she saw me right now. Psh. "Mom, didn't you know that I get all my work done when I'm up like I am right now?"

Anyway. Time for a cigarette. Hope this finds you well, you elusive readers, you!