Searching For Normalcy

One would think that in my twenty or so years of being on Social Security benefits that I would have had more than enough opportunity to observe human behavior with all the fascinating quirks possible at my fingertips. One would think.

I just spent so many years being so self-centered and introverted that I never had the opportunity. I mean I had friends but my focus was primarily on getting my needs met.

Now that I am in a group home for the mentally ill I find that I am finally having the chance to feel “normal”. Not that mentally ill people are all I am around, I have many friends who are considered normal because they hold jobs and have cars and considerable responsibility In their lives. I very much admire them and hope to someday achieve this status. I find that the range of acceptable normal behavior is enormous and the more I am focused outward I cannot believe what has been considered normal all this time that I have lived in poverty believing that I was so beyond help and bizarre that I might never recover!

Not that I don’t spend a great time looking inward. I am a writer after all and am constantly probing my interior and exfoliating my soul.

I find that people in the world have been most helpful in pointing out my weak points, not that it is easy to swallow at times. I am becoming less sensitive to criticism and can use

An external pointer to find my shortcomings which is much less painful.

I have never been good at criticizing others. I am taught that acceptance of others is the answer to all of my problems. Also that everything happens for a reason and this too shall pass..

I also find that I am doing better at going with my first instincts which are much more rational than they ever were before. This I attribute to my five years of sobriety, following the advice of others that my instincts are basically good and trusting my heart which is always the best thing for me.

I am getting better at thinking on my feet although if I have a big decision ahead of me I am likely to ask the opinion of a trusted friend.

I believe that I am truly finding sanity. I think that the most insane thing I do is live in poverty, though I know that many people around the world do.

Back to the problem at hand, finding the gumption to break free from the mental health system, transition to the world of normal work-a-day and still maintain reasonable mental, physical and spiritual health. As well as maintain my sobriety.

For many years I wished that someone might rescue me from my present life. Pick me up out of the dust and partner with me in a new life. I find that I’m a little old for thoughts like that anymore and I feel like I am not what the Dr. ordered anymore.

I do however have a certain amount of positive attributes and am applying new ones to my life everyday. But enough of daydreams , except when it comes to dreams of a career involving my creativity.

I love being creative more than anything. It makes me happier than anything ever has.

So I do believe that in my off-beat eccentric way I have found normalcy.

And in a metal health group home. Who would’ve guessed?

I do however take medications for my symptoms and see a Psychiatrist regularly.

I put a lot of energy into my friendships and it is well returned.

And all in all I must say that I am happy.

Thanks to the Spirit of the Universe or some such that has delivered me into this freedom of thought and expression, this wayward nature that has helped me find my place in society. This spiritual plane where I am helping others and finding that I am a useful and functioning member of society.

I hope that more people will find their sense of self and belonging in their lives.

I am truly grateful!

Aloha, Cindy