Unhappy > productive > happy > can't function > unhappy > productive > happy > can't function > unhappy........

unhappy.        ..........productive....happy>can't function>unhappy.    .........productive....happy>can't function>unhappy........productive....happy>can't function>unhappy. (picture some sort of sine wave here)

So apparently state of mind and productivity are not related in the way I always assumed they were. When you're happy and inspired, you're productive, and when you're depressed, you can't function, right? Well I'm starting to notice that I can have this very nihilistic, shitty attitude and be perfectly alert and productive. And much of the time, in fact I'd say usually, when I'm inspired and feeling happy, I can't do anything. I'm 'mixed' bipolar, and when I'm manic (if that's what it is) I just sit in my room and think and write about how cosmic everything is. 

I think a key factor here is ABILITY TO FOCUS.

Currently am dancing on the edge of my minimum required dosage of depakote. My doctor said my dose is appropriate for someone weighing 40 lbs. WTF. Anyway, apparently I don't need much. And I want to take less. So I accidently missed a couple doses and am taking my time tapering back up and watching myself carefully. I've already noticed a change, though; which sadly, has in the past shown to never mean anything good. I'm sure I'll be paying for this in oh, about 3-4 days.