Identifying rape myths used to help me. It used to give me strength. I felt validated and legitimized. I felt justified in not accepting the shame. But now that I see them again after years, I feel weak. The tears and choked sounds came instantly. But I couldn't just let go, for fear that he might walk in. Those myths. I know. But they still dominate. We know. But I still live under their control. And my latest technique? Just try to forget. Pretend that I don't or didn't once truly and deeply believe that I was raped and assaulted time and again by those who I now consider some of the best sex partners I've ever had. How much of a twisted relationship is that? What is my next step? Just keep living with my current partner. Continue to listen to his sexist comments, and his ideas about fair exchange without responding with my truths. This seems to be the first stage with me. And every once in a while feel sad and alone. He wants someone who's not afraid to speak their heart and mind. Perhaps one day I will to him.