what's going on. nothing seems to stay, good or bad. i feel so incredibly impossible and unstable and distracted, my head feels like it could pop off. totally tormented.

one of my sisters was in a serious car accident on the 29th. i've been sleeping at Strong Memorial hospital for the past five days/nights. i literally just walked in the door of my mother's home (tonight). Soph is hurt pretty badly but i think she's gunna be alright, it's just going to take some time.

i'm feeling a lot of things right now. i don't know what i'm feeling, but there's a lot of it.

i don't know how much longer i can stay in New York. i committed a year to Dave (my friend, and new roomate) but i think after that i'm leaving. i think if i ever want to be happy i need to start making changes. i haaaate changes. but i think it's the only way. probably starting with small things, like little daily habits, and with the way i present myself to other people and how i speak and how i act too. small, but important. and then i think in about a year i'm just gunna have to drop everything (which isn't much) and just leave the city. i'm thinking Boulder, CO will be my best bet. totally affordable for me i think, and just really free-spirited and i'd like to gte more in touch, so. we'll see.

yep.