Hi, It's me.

What is this, why in my head

I want

I need

I REALLY need

...

No answers. I live in a lull, I don't know what is wrong or where to go from here. I Can see the problems alright though.

Im sick and just yelled at my brother for coming near me. Shit. He is a good kid, really. I don't like waking up and wanting to die ve back into my dreams, because i don't know how to act in this world. I don't retain information.. makes it really hard to move forward.

Tell me doc, Bipolar?

Tell me, BPD?

Why do you want to send me to rehab for crashing and smoking weed when i did it because your meds arnt working? while we are talking, the therapy is about as effective as a glass of water.

Where are all the wise elderly to guide us mixed up youngsters forwards... oh. they are all crazy, mad, and bitter?

Im really sick of mearly existing. I cant find things in me that i feel i need to move forward. I write here. Why the hell do i write here? i dont really want my ramblings made public. At least my seriousness about death, Ah, but the longer nothing changes the more serious i become, undercurrent.

cant even trust myself to walk into a store or talk to a friend.

Sigh.

Have i always felt so void? So many questions, I feel as though to seek an answer would cost a lifetime.. for each question. all or nothing.

when did i chose nothing?

I want to go home *looks around her home* - yeah