man mentioned in previous entry made me a mix cd.

as silly as it sounds i have always wanted someone to make me a mix cd. i went on a trip this past weekend and i listed to the mix on the way. i listened to it a few times through at and it was a great mix but there is something about it that stood out.

in the mix there is a song, track 13...(ironic?) its by said boy and a band he used to be a part of. its actually a cover and song by bright eyes. its beautiful song. when i heard it i knew right away it was him singing because he has sang to me before :) i asked though just to be sure and he told me this...

he said that the song meant a lot to him. the song happened right as he was hitting bottom.

and its funny that he said that, because when i heard that song, the way he sang it, i knew exactly where he was.

its interesting to think that i am not the only bi-polar person in the world. i mean not that i ever thought that, but just to actually see someone else or talk to someone else who has been to that awful place you have been....

i dont know...it makes me feel less alone.

i heard him sing, and i knew that the dark was there. in all aspects of things that he was going through, bi-polar, addiction, life, all of it, you can hear in his voice... the pain, the torchure of our disease, i get this visceral feeling because i know...i know....

i have been to that place more times then i care to mention. its an awful awful place, and though i know there is almost a 100% chance that someday i will go back for a bit, i have a theory that this moment will help. i hope that if i do go back

that i remember i am not alone.