The following are the racing thoughts of my 15 year old daughter.   Since February, 2008, she has been hospitalized for 2 months, tried 8 different meds, ending with geodone, which offered some stabilization, but also side-effects of utter exhaustion, as if the blood from her body has been drained; blurred vision; and, leg cramps.  Her current doc told Hana this week that she must learn to live with these side-effects, because geodone has been the best med so far.  We suggested a cocktail to help with the side effects, but she said that since her thought processes and degree of illness has been so intense, she does not want to "fool around" with the geodone.  Is there not a more drug-savvy doc around the bay area that we can get support from.  Yes, our insurance is Kaiser.  PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t do this

I cant be me

I want to change

I want to change everything

I am disgusting

I want to help people

I can’t, because I am me

ME!

I am disgusting,

I can’t do this

It hurts

Pulls her hair, tears splurt from her eyes

Her body twists and turns

She implores, please help me

I don’t want to be me,

I can’t do this

I am being tortured

Please help me

Let me die

Kill me!!!!

My body is rotting.

I am disgusting.

I cannot be in my own skin.

This is the truth.

I know.

I am Hana, so I will never be able to be amazing, help people, travel,

I have no Friends.

Hana's "mania" is extreme anxiety and her "low" is extreme depression.

Regards,

Diane