i freakin have to write a lot of crap sometimes...at least it is not all on paper tho some is. i have to throw my journals away again, the paper venting ones. i just drag them around. they do nothing for me.

i have weird health issues all the time. i think the quirkiness of moon in aquarius also means quirky ailments if you aren't healthy.

i have a bad pms. i get paranoid and alienated. i just want to hide. i told j he better leave yesterday. over some petty thing. i don't know how he does it, but he somehow knows how to deal with me. he said maybe i should wait a bit before making that decision. later we talked. i sometimes am very slow socially in such times. i don't know. i am slow to feel safe with people. i take extra communication in pms, to wade through the paranoia.

so my timing sucks cause tomorrow is med group, yay with doctor i do not know, and we wait and wait and some nurse put that i am non-compliant in my file. i ambeing called non-compliant because i was very sick all year and missed too many appointments. they make me sicker really , ugh. i am so mad and i have to go there tomorrow with this other doctor who i hope is not on a power trip.

then not sleeping will make me seem more out of it and pms too. pms just messes with me. i need to be alone during it. i do. ugh. i can handle j tho mostly. he is a different story.

then i have swollen face from sinus and a couple lovely zits...oh i really feel like going out in the cold morning tomorrow. agh i have never been to med group. i don't like it. i don't know but it is like a cattle call thing. oh i tried one med group but i left. i waited so long and then left. sometimes i just have to leave a place, awkwardly too. i am so awkward. luckily i am not famous. i had been teased for how i walk too because something weird is up with my spine too. but friends would say "oh but it's cute" i just walk awkwardly. it all takes too much of some kind of focus.

i started getting lost in the sims again. downloading purple hair and such.