the cramps suck. ugh. i am monsterous looking. i don't think it is just body dysmorphic disorder. i mean i transform. i am major nightgown hag today and poor j... i was kinda mad earlier...i mean as in insane mad...and tweaky...and confusing...he is keeping a cuatious distance but occasionally hugging me despite my stinky self. i had garlic too. well that was needed. it just mixes with the sweat and tobacco smoke...i sound appealing, don't i? he loves me still. i am not sure why. i will get in the shower one of these days...i have zits down the t-zone. i never got them as an adolescent hardly. now i get them as a 40 year old. pleasant. then i am all dehydrated and dried out and look older maybe, tired too, overtired from years of no sleep. i am in some ways young looking for my age, in other ways i am as old as the hills. my elbows are bad. they look like dried out elephant knees. it is from psoriasis and it affects the joints and is another immune thing.

i don't go out of my way to look too nice but i wear a lot of dresses cause they are comfortable. if i am not in a nightgown, i am lately in a comfortable dress. i even have gone hiking in dresses if they are a sturdy fabric.

i don't wear high heels. i don't paint nails but i may paint my ugly toe nails eventually. it is an act of desperation.

i am very good at the self-deprecating writing. i can go on and on. let's see what else...oh i won't even bring up my belly. oh i just did. oh well.