This is not going to be a terribly well written entry. I need some place to express myself without fear of someone finding out it's me. I miss the days when my on-line self did not share my real life name. So here I am Annie. Here I am safe.

The odd part is everyone knows. They all know the truth about me but they hate it so much that they are in denial. I'm either not worth it or a burden. I want to be everything everyone wants me to be. Who the hell has ever achieved that? It's like my illness makes me think I need to be perfect. Maybe to compensate.

I like short sentences. And even sentence fragments. I used to be the king of run-on sentences. Now I can barely type five words without a period. That wasn't so hard.

Today is just bad. Some days aren't. Today is. Some moments aren't. I suppose no full 24 hours is exactly one thing or the other. But some moments are bad for extended periods of time. Some are good. Right now is bad. It started earlier when I was asked to do some things I cannot do. Imagine you are paralyzed from the waste down and your family constantly insists on asking you to run. And when you remind them you cannot run they are disappointed and even angry. And you feel like somehow it's your fault for being paralyzed. But I don't even want to run. So if I could, would I? Just to please them? Would I want to if I could? Did I only somehow convince myself that I do not want to run so I wouldn't have to be sad that I cannot? Is everyone still clear that this is a metaphor?

This concludes the question segment...

The bright sun at this hour of the morning reminds me of The Cage*. For this reason I love and hate it equally.

Time to take a break. More soon.

* More on this later.