Pirate Dreams and Dark Blue Stories
Slug and Lettuce Column Winter 2003


I went to sleep with the speeding desert road of West Texas under my eyelids. Woke up this morning in the attic of the Entropy house in Austin to my cell phone ringing. I was dreaming something about being out on a pirate ship with my friends, getting ready to somehow do battle at sea with goons from an evil monolothic transnational trade group. It was all pretty bizarre and interesting the Anarcho-Pirates vs. the World Bank Monocult, all right there waiting for me to write down in all its surreal glory. Instead of reaching for my pen, I made a quick choice to deal with the harsh realities of what the real world had to offer. I grabbed the chiming phone and hit the answer button. Yeah? I said all garbled and groggy, my eyes adjusting to the light. It was Chris Boarts calling from Richmond, Virginia -- politely yet sternly reminding me that my Slug column was due last week.
I know I know, I said, holding my head in my hands as all the dreams of the previous night quickly poured out my ears and disappeared forever into the void of the late morning Texas air. its been in the back of my mind this whole time. You know how I am by now Chris. Ive been trying to figure out what to write about for days theres so much going on. You know as well as I do that the anniversary of Seras death was on Sunday. I was down in San Diego on Mike Antipathys boat with Ammi Emergency and Shanna and Belladonna. Did you know Mike named the boat after Sera? Que Sera Sera....Yeah, right. Its like this double meaning: Whatever will be will be. Pretty cool, huh? That guys great.
Well, theyre all hanging out at this dock by the border of Mexico getting the thing ready to sail down the West coast of Baja and have big adventures. Its really pretty amazing. I showed up to meet them late Saturday night from my step-moms house in LA and Sunday all of us walked along the beach, quiet and peaceful, just enjoying each others company. When the sun went down, the five of us went back to the dock and drank a bottle of Nicaraguan Rum, cooked a huge feast and stayed up real late telling Sera Bilizikian stories. Fuck, I miss her a lot sometimes Chris. We all do. That girl left a lot of people pretty heart broken.
But you know what being on Mikes boat made me think of, Chris? This is kind of funny. Remember that aggro kid from back in the day we used to call Dan Tranquility? Sang in that band Insurgents and was always working on a million projects? Yeah, of course you do. You took that goofy picture of us dancing in the pit that time at No-Rio that ended up all over the place? Well I remember I was out in Brooklyn with him at his folks house one Friday night after a NYDAC meeting or something and we were listening to Conflict and Omega Tribe records and talking about our dreams for the future. We were both young super wide-eyed teenagers. That kid was always full of crazy ideas, man. He was really sharp, almost to the point of cutting up the people around him cause he didnt know any better.
But I just remember hanging out with him that night and him telling me that one day when he got older he was going to buy a boat and sail around the world. Get out there where the government couldnt touch him and live free and wild. I even remember the look on his face as he was telling me. It left an impression, you know? He said it was the ultimate anarchists dream, to live on a boat and sail around the world out of the clutches of the law. And I never forgot that, it always seemed like such an amazing and completely out of reach fantasy. It didnt seem possible. I mean, what the fuck did we know about sailing boats growing up in the big city, right? Last I heard Dan was still living in Brooklyn and working as a truck driver. Its been a whole bunch of years since weve even sat down and talked. I wonder if he even remembers that conversation.
So there I was with Mike Antipathy, all of a sudden its the year 2003, were sitting on the deck of his freshly calked boat with our shirts off in the hot San Diego sun, and we discover we both have the same tattoo even though the guy grew up in Ohio. Its that circle of wheat design from the Antisect album cover, you know the one. That was the first tattoo I ever got, Chris. I was fifteen years old and it was a rainy Summer night and a bunch of us were sitting in a room in Kevin and Trees old space at 6th Street Squat. Its funny because I got that tattoo before Id ever even SEEN food growing. For real. Never in my wildest dreams did I figure Id end up working on farms all over the place and teaching other people how to grow food. I just really liked the symbol because there was something so simple about it. So basic: wheat. You know what Im saying, Chris?
All our tattoos are just like dark blue stories. Thats the conclusion Ive come to after all these years, man. Theyre like pictures to mark our trail to remind us where weve been so that if we have to make our way through old territory we dont end up lost somewhere along the way. And they hold memories under all that ink. I think Ive seen half a dozen tattoos on different people in memory of Sera Bilizikian. Siboan in West Phili got a memorial tattoo on her thigh that says Born to Run cause Sera was such a geek about Springsteen. Tramps like us... right?
I dont remember who it was, but someone told me that after Sera killed herself they couldnt stop thinking about the fact that she had just gotten a bunch of new ink on her body. They knew it was an irrational thing to be fixated on, but they just couldnt understand how Sera could have jumped off a bridge after just getting a bunch of new tattoos. What the fuck, you know? I agreed it was a little irrational, but I really also understood. I dont know how it is for you Chris, but I know that if I want a new tattoo its like a sign that Im doing really well, that Im inspired enough by something to want to mark my body for life and remember it.
Human beings are so obsessed with permanence, of holding on to the past. Its definitely part of the attraction of tattoos. We all so badly want to hold onto our memories and make them important because thats what gives us a solid foundation to build on when were trying to figure out who we are and where we fit in this crazy world. So I guess Seras suicide just rubbed it in her face that no matter how many friendships you build and stories you write and photos you take and tattoos you get --youre still going to fucking die, and thatll be the end of that.
Shit, I dont know, Chris: its all what we want to make of it. Human beings have the amazing ability to fill things with meaning and have the same amount of power to suck the meaning right back out of those same things. In the end its really up to us. Like if I want to make Punk Rock my religion and go around quoting old Clash songs like scripture and make Joe Strummer a fucking saint in my church of an 82 Toyota pick-up that I sleep in every night as I drive across the country, why the hell not? You only live once: why not make things meaningful? Why not actively PUT meaning into things? Its all in our heads anyway. We can change it later if we want. Were anarchists right? none of this shit is written in stone. If I want to turn my life into a big action adventure story where Im the main character and every time I show up in a new town its the beginning of a new chapter, theres nothing stopping me. Fuck it, right? Why not make things interesting while were around.
You know whats funny? When I get really depressed everything seems totally meaningless. I cant even find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Nothing seems to have any purpose. But then on the other hand, when I get really manic everything has way TOO MUCH meaning. I start thinking the radio is talking to me and shit. Im feel like Im the most important guy around -- that the fate of the world rests on my every breath. Its so overwhelming. I guess these days I try really hard to find a balance somewhere in the middle of the two that still leaves me solid and grounded but still feeling good about myself.
Ill tell you a secret, Chris: I play this little game everyday where I pretend that my actions really do have a big effect on world around me. Like that thing they say about the butterfly flapping its wings causing a storm on the other side of the world because of the shifting wind currents. Sometimes I actually believe its true and sometimes I just play the game for the fun of it I pretend like Im important. I pretend that every time I smile at a stranger, it really is going to help set of a chain reaction thats going to keep someone from getting shot a couple blocks away later in the week. I pretend that those flyers I wheatpaste or stencils I go throw up with my friends or my presence at that anti-war demo in the big city is actually going to tip the scales and lead us on a faster path to getting those motherfuckers out of the White House. I pretend like everything I write in my little stories or in columns for your zine is really going to inspire a whole bunch of people who read them to feel strong emotions and take action in their daily lives and make this world a better place. Even if its all total bullshit and in the end my life is about as significant as dryer lint, it gets me out of bed in the morning.
I guess if everyone felt empowered like that, or even pretended to be empowered like that, even some of the time -- the world would look very different. Its that MEANING thing. If a bunch of us decide to put meaning into something at the same time, then more people usually join in, and then interesting things usually start happening. Theres power in numbers. And there are a lot of us. It all just starts with a bunch of dreams. So if I want to believe that me and that guy Antipathy are bonded for life because we both have the same tattoo on our arms from some obscure early 80s British peace punk band, thats just going to make my life all the more interesting and add another chapter to my adventure story. And if I want to believe that me and my friends are all a bunch of rebel pirates out there fighting against the monolithic power structure in the sea of the global economy to the tune of The Guns of Brixtonfuck it, you know? You only live once, might as well make it interesting.
Okay, I think I can write the column now, Chris. Sorry Im such a scatterbrain and Im always so late in getting it in. I guess I have my head out in dreamworld too much of the time. Mad love.

Sascha Scatter c/o Four Winds Farm
158 Marabac Road Gardiner, NY 12525
scatter@theicarusproject.net
www.theicarusproject.net












Alright, first things first: Id like to send out a big, fat apology to everyone who was on my old mailing list for sending out that huge list of email addresses a couple weeks ago around the new year. If it wasnt obvious, that was a total techno fuck-up. Please forget you ever saw that, okay? Ill apologize myself for the couple folks who took the liberty of using the list to distribute their propaganda.
Okay, heres the deal: I helped facilitate another Walking the Edge workshop a couple nights ago, this time at a pretty amazing place called the Rizome Collective in Austin, Texas. About thirty of us sat around a cosy room in a circle on couches and chairs, a oil drum wood stove keeping us warm in the corner, a wall of books and house plants, a lot of big, hard questions in the airBut it definitely felt like family, even if the answers arent as easy or as quick as wed like them to be. Its really just a great excuse for a bunch of people to get together and talk about important stuff.

These are the dates for the next couple weeks that are set:

New Orleans Wednesday 22nd
Ashville Sunday 26th
Greensboro Tuesday 28th
Richmond Friday 31st
Philidelphia Sunday February 2nd

If you have any questions, call or write me -- nows the time to ask them. In a couple weeks Im hopefully going to be settling in at the farm in New York and Im not going to have a lot of time to think about this stuff -- moving on to a whole new chapter. Im sending you the new Slug and Lettuce column. I felt like a kid doing his homework on a Saturday night I just wanted to be out playing. But here you go, for your pleasure and enrichment..
Alright, so I have two email addressess now. I got a new one because the TAO folks

WALKING THE EDGE OF INSANITY: NAVIGATING THE WORLD OF MENTAL HEALTH AS A RADICAL IN THE 21ST CENTURY

As radical political activists and folks living on the fringes the conventional social system, what does it mean within our extended anti-authoritarian community for someone to be "mentally ill" or struggling with traditional labels such as "clinical depression," , "bipolar disorder," or "schizophrenia"? How helpful is the modern psychiatric paradigm that revolves around medicine and psychotherapy and how much of it is really just a function of powerful pharmaceutical corporations, public funding cuts, and a generally deranged society?
Chances are pretty high that if you're reading this, you or someone you care about his been grappling with these questions for years.
Come hear from a number of experienced and knowledgeable people who have a healthy distrust of the current system but are working on both conventional and alternative fronts of mental health treatment to empower people who are dealing with the world of insanity to take back control of their lives.
There are a lot of big gaping questions on a lot of our minds these days, some of the big ones being: what can we do for our friends in times of extreme crisis to keep them from either getting locked up or hurting themselves? How can we set up some kind of alternative support network for all of us who feel so alienated and distrustful of the mainstream? How do we figure out whats societys crap and whats our own, and when the lines are too hard to draw? And if the language that we use to talk about mental illness in our culture doesnt capture what so many of us go through and leaves us feeling disempowered, how do we go about creating a new language that works for us?
Participate in the beginnings of a long overdue dialogue that addresses
the complicated taboos around mental health issues within the anarchist community and beyond.
This workshop will begin as a presentation detailing practical health tips and information but we hope to inspire a discussion that will last well into the future.