I guess I'm getting over the 48-hour anxiety attack I just had.
I was so freaked out I couldn't even visit this site. I refused to read posts and replies to my posts. I tried as hard as I could to cut myself off from the world.
I still went to rehearsals for "Pride and Prejudice" where I play Mr. Bingley, a charming, exuberant, charismatic young man who falls in love with a girl named Jane. Jane is basically the same person as Charles Bingley, but a little more reserved.
I don't know how I can go to rehearsals and act so normal, and then get on-stage and become this incredibly kind and charming character while I'm having what seems to be the anxiety attack of my life, but I did anyway.

I was looking at knives in the knife drawer at my mother's apartment (I'm staying with her for the moment). I was looking to see if there was one shiny and sharp enough to meet my standards for heart penetration.
But I didn't find one. And I don't think I could've done it anyway.
I absolutely despise pain. And I have this horrible suspician that I am immortal.
so I can never die... but I can be hurt.

Does anyone else feel like they should be able to manipulate matter at their 
whim? I've always had this feeling, and I often stick my hand out at an object to 
have it break, move, or spontaneously combust.
I know I can't do it, but it seems like I should be able to. At least, if it ever
happened I would not be the least bit surprised. I'd probably say, "Finally!".
Eh... perhaps it's just a childish mind which I never grew out of... but none of my friends do it... so, who knows.

Well, I'm not in a mood to kill myself right now, but it's so easy to get in that
mood. Really, it's lucky for you greedy people who want me to live, that I don't
have a gun. :)
It'd be a matter of days before I shot myself, I think. I have access to one, but
it just doesn't seem right to me to use someone else's gun. It's a shotgun, too.
That sorta scares me. heh, I don't know why though. Must be that immortality
thing. :) Imagine if I lived through that! OUCH! I'm tell'n ya, heheh, that'd be
messed up.

I want to re-record the vocals for Golden Curls. I don't think they are intense enough. The song only makes me feel like shit, it doesn't make me cry.
Once those vocals force tears out the sides of my eyes, then it will be correct.

I need to sleep, I'm supposed to get up in 2 hours to take my brother to the DMV. Blegh... this will be the 3rd time. well... blah blah blah, all.

sad.
~Beau