It has been a minute since I wrote last...  I have to face myself. Staring in this fucking mirror,convincing myself that it is not reconcilable, hopefully I can rest in not feeling, I don't want to feel this, I can work past being a waste of a human shell, perhaps I can make new friends that aren't as fucked up as I. There has to be better people in this world right? Maybe not, maybe this is rock bottom,  I sold My soul to uncle Sam, in hopes that I can find happiness in Afghanistan, I have 16 days til I leave, I am not satisfied with the absolute void I am leaving behind, Why doesn't anyone care, no one wants to converse and let me have closure, I will never see their faces again, either way I will never see them. I can't tell If it hurts anymore, I just feel hollow and alienated from everyone I thought cared about me, I don't know If i can care for them now but I still want to, forget having a Meaningful relationship with a beatiful person like you use to, you don't even get the satisfaction of having friends. Hell the cabin fever has got so bad I have turned to my enemies just to have someone to talk to, and that doesn't even fucking work. I have been playing this game since February, trying to please people, take care of them, and Negativity and violence is how it always seems to fucking end. What is life without love or anyone to care about? Is It so much to ask for love, or even a fucking friend? I guess so. The experience in the military is going to change who I am, and Nobody cares here. In this Fucked up metropolis, in this Fucked up state,  Fuck this state of Mind.   So Long and Thanks for All the Fish.