I guess it's only been about 2 and a half weeks since I quit taking the anti-psychotic medication. I realized that I should stop writing about it because it seems I could bring unwanted attention and criticism to myself. I chatted a couple times with someone from schizophrenia.com who can relate. I feel a bit bad because I just don't want to talk about the experiences anymore. I'm learning to let go. We shared our horror stories but I felt like I was shaking just from writing about it. I told him I didn't want to talk about the past anymore, boarding school, hospitals, etc. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings but I've been a bit on edge looking for symptoms.

Yesterday I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes...God that was so awful and stupid of me. I couldn't sleep that well, and felt like coughing and puking. I know the cigarettes aren't helping me recover. Actually, they would worsen the symptoms. Last night I kept telling this rambling voice to 'shut up'. Though it was caused by the air conditioner which is pretty loud and outside my room.

It went away when the air conditionar stopped humming. Like instantly. Noise is a huge factor for me. I have really sensitive ears and sometimes they ring...I have gotten my hearing checked by an audiologist and he said my hearing was above normal. I went into a sound proof room and he played different frequencies that I could hear.

I've posted a couple comments on youtube that were harshly critisized. One was about The Onion making fun of schizophrenia. To which one person responded 'Shut up faggot tard' The amount of negativity in the world is frustrating. The second I just stated my mind on this 'Non-Compliance with the System' video. 

While he makes statements that the government is bad. It's not on solid ground, he mixes conspiracy theories on the Illuminati, that Democracy is a lie. I said that was disinformation...among other things. I got six thumbs down and my comment isn't even visible. Someone responded 'How Three Monkeys of You' and another said 'Politics Are Conspiracy'

I think it's wrong that they want people to believe that the government is a hoax and we're all slaves in this system. Do they know anything about the politics of freedom? Not to mention free speech. The message on the dollar bill actually does NOT say 'New World Order' because I looked up the man who wrote it and he explains what it means and the idea behind it.

I've been talking to someone who thinks I should go to Los Angeles film school, and take him with me. He wants to start a band and make films. Though the cost of the one year program is insane. I don't even know if I can afford it. We're meeting for a movie and dinner on Saturday.

Almost published a book of my poetry with Publish America. Then my younger brother said to watch a video of this guy who said he'd been ripped off and they purposely put mistakes in his book. Then I looked it up and there are lots of articles. Tons. Lists of people accounting their experiences, and on forums. So really they don't tell you how many books you've sold and rip you off. PLUS, your book will not be on bookshelves like they say because bookstores wont stock it and it's Print on Demand. I like to rant a lot. I'm trying to stop...

it's strange being a person.