The one that never seems to agree on what everyone thinks, thus labeled weird, loner, freak. I always thought that something was wrong with me. I still do. But I've grown tired of wanting to...no, needing to change. Nothing seems right. Everything is wrong. My world twists and turns upside down, retreating only to show the difference between me and others. There wasn't a time in my life I never craved to me 'normal'. I sat back and watched pathetically as other collected my flaws and throw them in my face.

My thoughts, I admit, always been sick and cynical. Always wondering about 'what if' 's. Creating images in my minds that stick behind walls I’ve tried to hold them back with. But on casual days, they like to sneak their way in my thoughts. Making me ponder on them for what seems like hours. You would catch me staring blankly at my walls, coming back when I hear someone calling me. Only to find out no ones there.

I can't stay somewhere too quite for long, because it seems that my insanity haves it great kicks at those times. I would feel a inner battle going on inside my body, shoving thoughts and painful memories I’ve hold on for too long.

I never had those ‘I will care for you no matter what’ people. I have constantly struggled to keep friends and try to move one when you know one is drifting away and you can't do nothing about it. I seriously prefer to be alone but I can't even do that with out others going up my ass wondering why I’m doing so.

I have GAD, bipolor depression, psychosis, an eating disorder, I’m pyromaniac, and have a borderine personality disorder. I quit taking the meds they gave me when I was twelve after increases of 'illusions'  and of suicidal attempts. But learning that I just couldn't trust anyone to understand me and just accept it, I gave up wanting them to.

(Sorry this was long and random…)