How did I get to this point in my life? I never thought I would live to see 21, and here I am, finally able to drink, go to bars and clubs, to generally have a good time. Alas, I just seem to not be able to. I'm too much of a shut in, a recluse. I love to go out and have a good time, but I feel isolated and alone where I live. I don't know very many people and I stay home alone most of the time anyway. My favorite things to do are watch movies, read, play games, and surf the web. Nothing really pertaining to outside.

    My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. As much as I'm trying to get over it, I just seem to not be able to. I've tried everything and she constantly plagues my mind. I love her so much, and no one else I meet seems to be as amazing, as sweet, as passionate, as perfect for me.

    My life has been a mess the past few years, and only in the past few months have I really turned things around, working full time and finally trying to complete school. It's just my depression takes hold over me. Today I can't go into work because I am too depressed and can't deal with going in.

    I just want to wake up next to someone each morning, be totally in love with them, and just have a great day. I want to be happy, I want to be social, I want to live, and try as I might it seems impossible, like trying to climb K2 with no gear. I am a creative person, I am an artistic person. I sing, act, write, read, and for being a fairly attractive 21 year old male, it seems no one really enjoys those qualities anymore. I'm a hopeless romantic, but everyone wants the "badboy" or the "emo" kid. No one has time for little ol' me. I'm the kind of guy to litter the hall with rose petals and candles, with chocolates and some gift layed out on the bed. I will sing and play guitar for you whever you want. I love to cook. I don't know, I think of all this stuff and I constantly question why she didn't want to be with me anymore. I'm very insecure but I rarely ever show it.

My mind is racing at the moment so for now I will just stop and continue the moment I am able to think clearly again.