A...negative attitude. At least it gets me somewhere. If I beleived God would sort my shoes, wash the walls blue, then I'd agree with them too. But these walls are white, and I'm still tongue-tied. I forgot my place on the line, and I'm losing my way and I've lost my mind. I wait for it to catch me, when I have the time. I'm out of time, and I will not waste another moment watching the rain splash me away.

I may need to explain every imperfection, once upon a time I had them...those explanations. They were stolen from me, like phrases whispered in a monotone voice, the white noise has stolen everything. I have nothing left to tell, so take my words yes steal. I have nothing left to sell, and I have no one here to take my words as well.

There might be a demon in my head, but at least I never let him call me dead. I'm still alive, and I have my fist for a knife, I will  ball up the madness and love despite it. I will persevere, maybe I'm strange. I'll be the freak you admire when all the walls change, when everything is re-arranged. I hope you don't see me when I'm painted blue, because today that's actually all they can do.

Maybe I lost it a long time ago, before everyone understood how horrible my suffering has been. Perhaps, too existential for the hippie good-doer, lovy dovy person. I might not make sense to the "normal" person, since we're all just trying to fit in. Except they follow, and I lead. I led them into my nightmare so they could bleed too. Someday there will be revenge, I will get what I meant. I will have a voice, freedom, a choice, my redemption in my hands. I will own everyone's voice and like sand, they will fall through the hourglass, and I will turn it over, call you all my family but so....different from what I'd expected, and I was neglected.

You'll never see my manic yellow cries, you'll never taste my madness purple sighs, you'll never feel my poetic justified crime...you'll see only black no colored white. And that's why this music will kill you in your petty little hosue, they say that they've done nothing wrong. Well that's what they  had done, absolutely nothing...nothing to help me.....nothing........but sing the same song.

Just boxed me up and sent me to another universe, force-fed me family like it was rehearsed. And all I wanted to do was cry and grow up and leave this curse, because I seriously wish tihngs weren't in reverse. I wish I could just......make it all free....but that's another story, that is....just a story.