I startled awake this morning, right out of a nightmare where i was last running from a room where someone was about to do something terrifyingly stupid.  Which i was not going to be a part of.  We (I think this is me and Si) are in some small shack passing as a cafeteria in some jungle, although i don't remember seeing food.  People are lined up,  a tall slender man points at a large blue bag hanging on the wall. It appears to be stuffed full garbage. He begins to poke at it and somehow it is made clear that there is a giant bee hive inside, although i do not see it I do believe it.  I begin to get nervous and lean back to look at Si who looks equally nervous.  We begin backing up when he pokes at it with a stick. Then some how he has this plastic bottle of gas, like lighter fluid, or some fire starter...gasoline. He aims it at the lower part of the out side of the bag.  I begin to stumble backwards and head for the screen door.  I notice everything is screened in...like all the windows...i grabbed for my companion and as we stumbled and backed out of the room I realized we were not supposed to leave.  The bag swelled and an angry noise came from its direction.  He aimed the liquid into the bag.  I turned and ran, I did not know if Si was with me or not.  I ran on a path outside, up a slight hill and through some trees, when I stopped to look back at the building, the screen door was completely covered in the mean looking bees. They were not like any bee i had seen before.  They were dream bees, shiny, no, matte black & yellow, hard with a long stinger which was coming out of their heads.   If they were a car they would have fins and speed enhancing parts. I could still hear screaming. Some of the bees were getting out as people ran and fell through the screen door and then ran towards us...us..she was with me, this Si. I did not like the bees coming towards is, but i had not been stung. I began another hasty departure as these creatures were catching up to us. One landed on Si's hand, she held it up and showed me while screaming but refused to touch it, it looked like it had inserted it's stinger like an IV. I turned to run and PRACTICALLY FELL OUT OF BED. 

I was breathing heavy and while i try to write about it the feeling and memory I'm getting has given me chills all over again.

I stayed up.



I feel as if most of what I say goes unheard.  I am ignored. Not listened to. Not important.
 
Not always.

More than I like.

I notice. 

It is not just one person, it is many people.
If it were one I could say it was them. 

I talk to much, right?  That's what some people say, even though they think i don't know they said it.

Is it that I have nothing interesting to say?   Is it that i am not cool enough, pretty enough, thin enough, black enough, white enough, rich enough, poor enough,oh wait smart enough?

Enough?

Enough.
 
People don't listen.

How MANY TIMES WAS I NOT LISTENING?

I was listening last night.

I went to see Davis Sedaris with Si. 
He is incredibly funny, side busting silly.  I almost peed in my pants.

We even got the pleasure of meeting him and he signed my book, and drew a silly picture of Abe Lincoln saying, "Dogs are naughty."

He read from his new stuff. Si was laughing so hard she could not stop and had to cover her face or she would interrupt his next line! 

My lord I never laughed so hard in my life.
I am so blessed.