I live in Portland.  Almost 5 years separate me from my time of crisis.  I think I am doing what I want to with my life, but I question all the time if it is a dead end.  Am I going towards "normalcy"?  This is something a lot of people want, but I don't think I do.  Yet I've worked all these years to pretend at it.  I'm not even sure what makes me "different" anymore, if anything, other than a drawn-out event in my past that I still don't fully understand, that feels unintegrated with my life today.

Maybe there is another part of me out there/in here that I do not know how to access yet.  Is there a mystical aspect of me that I have dominated with rational thought?  Can I ask it to come back?  Can I live with it authentically?

Mystical self, trickster self, unpredictable self.  Un-self.  Where are you?

Where are you?

Come back.  Please come back.