i forgot to say...i first saw my grandma and me together in a flash crossing the border, as if i tuned into another dimension, but it was mexico there. there was the usual color of green...she had a green aura. she was one of the healers but did not seem to realize it or maybe she did...i don't know. then yesterday, same sleepy day, my cat, long deceased, flashed in real fast, very clearly, st. dymphna, the 21 year old wise cat. then later in the kitchen, a ghost went by, or perhaps it was j in a dream going by--sometimes rosie does that. i see them astralling it. it was real fast. all i know is it was all the good kind of spirit visitation.

i had some sleep on and off but not a lot. but i feel good at the moment. it may be the vicodin...cause it is moontime and all that...moontime is good. it just gets painful sometimes with endometriosis. but i mean for the creativity and inutition and connection to the moon and tides--that is all good. it is a relief too from pms. i almost prefer the pain to the emotional funk i get in before it. it is usually my paranoid time too. so this time it is a release of things. i do get pms severely tho. i think i may avoid the pill after all tho and try once again dong quai and such, evening primrose, calcium/magnesium...it's just these add up. i can not do all my remedies at once, i cycle around with them. muy expensivo.

this world is beautiful and i have a more integrated mind to see it with new eyes again. it is an exciting time really. i am ripped van winkle the female one awake again. i had been sleeping. ketogah means sleepy. many parts were sleeping. many are still groggy but they have a beautiful morning ahead of them. they integrate and the world is more whole looking to me--it is a wonderful thing. i don't know how it happens but i feel like a butterfly freshly out of the caccon and i think it hurts a little at first with raw new wings.

then there are the bombs. i am aware too of this sometimes so intensely aware i throw up. but i still see beauty. i have to. it is my old coping mechanism that has worked all along. i need nature. i need to be in it more. i used to have my mini ecosystem of a yard but they cut it down. i want to get some plants and such. i want to work on the little yard. i need to. but i need a little money and we have necessities first to deal with. it is a time to plant the wildflowers for the spring and to hope for winter rains.

ah i am all out of filters for my roll your owns...so they are very strong and i feel lieka cowboy for some reason with a leather face. that is this feeling i get. very bronze. i am a man in this vision, weird. i am not a man really. i mean but here in this picture i am a man. i am not really into cowboys either. so it is weird. past life? someone else's memory drifting into my antenna? someone i read about in the old newspapers when doing research? i don't know. or a spirit. another spirit. oh. maybe this is his old land.