When I was ten years old, I saw an apparition of a young boy in my Grandmother's house-- in the upstairs hallway near her room. I had been living there with my dad and brother for about a year after my parents began the process of getting a divorce. I saw young boy, who looked similar to my dad when he was a boy. He had straight blond hair and a red t-shirt and blue jeans. It was one of those strange experiences which catch a person off guard for a moment. I stared into the apparition of the boy, perplexed. Then, he seemed to stare back at me perplexed before vanishing. I continued on my day like nothing had ever happened. After that, I beleived the house was haunted by ghosts. It felt like it had a spiritual energy to the place. My grandmother had eight children including my dad, and so the house has a lot of memories. But there were two children, missing. One was a child who had never been born and the other was Paul, the baby boy who lived only two or three weeks.

Science. Science doesn't explain Paul. Science can't dig into the core of what was behind that apparation, although we can pretend we know what it was, or that it was a hallucination from a young girl's vivid imagination. We can say that something 'triggered it' but what? What could have possibly triggered a fully clothed boy to appear out of nowhere, then vanish as if he had never been there ever to the quiet girl who observed him. When I was ten years old I was often caught up in daydreams, and I loved to escape from the realm I lived in and feel the textures and talk to the people in my own creations. These were the creations I made to escape the world that I felt didn't need to rely on science.I wondered at it, and still I never forgot this vision. Even now when I'm twenty years old, I wonder about it.


Now that I am older, I am learning to discriminate these fantasies as merely the illusions to other things which are still too difficult to explain. Like, the shadow for instance. What is the shadow? Carl Gustav Jung explained it as the essence of the problems we are afraid to face, the oppressed desires that we do not begin to express, or even our own primal animal instincts--- with which we have become so seperated from in our consumer culture. We are living in an age where the human psychological concept is to feed off of another's faults and use them to exploit them for our own flawed self-preserving science, and each truly messed up religious say-so...says who? Who is to say who I think God is? I have no time to spend hours and hours reading books about what God looks like or how to perceive a God or how to tell the God what I think about this bullshit language-mentality structure which keeps us un-educated people trapped in a system of worship. Who is to say a WORD defines a MIND. Who is to say we ALL will have to be like be PLANTS and branch out and sprout these THOUGHTS which are rooted within the DIRT. I say, we should all be like dirt.

We should all just revel in the dirt and explore the beauty and be fascinated by absolute anarchy and throw out these principles, stop going to school, stop following the Man's laws and being like dedicated disciples before we realize we are not supposed to be clean. We are not sitting before a judge and no one is telling me to do this. There is nothing else inside of you but a rotting seed. We are rotting away and continue to rot away and continue to perfect our own dilemmas of starvation because we do not know how to plant the seeds so we become like parasites and germs and we feed off of the starvation and jealously protect our greedy minds from the very ROOT of our substances and how can we ever get to the bottom of the tree if we are constantly trying to break away and NOT branch out and not just GROW.

We are living in an age of exploitation. Our talents and strengths, our roles in society are constantly being pushed under the carpet while our agenda is narcissism. We learn to plunder through the world with nothing but an objectivist ideal of a concept that we live in something too narrow too vague and too unreal to define through science. The Universe becomes nothing more than a merry go round circus of faulty lunatic ideas and concepts which we treat as laws when let's face it---it's all relative! We don't really know! We don't know how the Universe works at all. We just know what we make of it, and all the scribbles we draw on the blackboard, all our rationalized theories and dogmatic principles can do nothing to dig further than our sensory perceptions of what reality looks like, feels like, tastes like, or even looks at us like.


Society makes sense when you think of it like a tree- but what can a tree grow upon without a real growth substance. What can an object move upon without a plane to be relative to? Is the plane moving or is the object moving? Who are we to judge either/or? If, for some reason reality were actualy a non-plane and the objects were evolving out of nothingness by the concepts that the only true substance created- MIND, then I'd imagine that the trees were lies. If you take nature- and make it appear to yourself to be some elusive idea without exploring the concepts hidden within the earth, then you are starving your mind and your body from the real fruits of growth in this world.

What are we here for? How can you even begin to ask that question when you don't even know where you are, or if you are here at all. Or how to define that 'where' or that 'how' besides...Oh um I am just experiencing it! Perceptions Yes! I can hear, I can taste, I can see and I can recreate the percieved experience within my own mind. Somewhere within this hidden cage, I can project that sense as if it were a full lengthed feature film. I am the star of my worldly concepts and of this reality that I perceive. How, exactly am I the star of my own World? Society cannot exist without each individual being relative to society. Each person is part of society regardless of how many of individuals there are. The WHOLE of society is just the network of communications between each part. But the Individual without the structure is no better or worse off in relation to the SELF. There is no need for society at all.

Nothing about the 'Concept' of Universe creates or can create the Universe. The thought was already there, and was already created. But by who? Who creates a concept? Is it GOD? Is God, the source of all concepts therefore the pre-conceptual reflection of all that is the MIND? If we all reveled in dirt would that bring us closer to the seed? Or was this just all an artificially created enigma? Is life more than meets the eye, the concept, the rationality of each individual part communicating with the other part accordingly to the whole...is language another realm entirely? IS language what created the concept of REAL? What does it mean to be real? Or is the concept creating in turn, the language? What comes first? The concept or the person communicating the concept to the Universe? Is language merely an entirely seperate Universe from ourselves and that is why so many people are going crazy with symbolisms for the NOTHINGNESS THAT never existed in TOTALITY. It doesn't matter because there are no concepts. I am not ignorant. There simply are no concepts. That would have to mean...nothing...at all. The Universe exists without substance, concept, or language. We only perceive reality. So therefore humans are either the substance of the Universe, concept of the Universe, or illusion of the Universe....and perhaps the Illusion is nothing but a reflective fragment of the whole Universe beyond reality.

Nothing about the 'Individual person' has created the communication between parts of these values of the whole. Do not question the substance or yourself, or what it means to be a reflection of your own language. Do not question the reality and the realm of things created not by you but for you by some other entity entirely...foreign to your own mind and perceptions. That is existence, living as equals does not mean acting the same or 'Like' the other...but that is what we do in society, we immitate the body and we immitate the world. But that's the greatest flaw of our evolution, of natural selection...we are merely impersonating the roles we play as if we were puppets on strings...and until we break free from this bond we will continue to grow closer and closer to the puppeteer and not the SOURCE of life, in other words- we are the ones holding the strings and we are the ones pulling them but not one of us knows where the strings lead to. Or do we?



But let us just build millions of concepts to create a box for a four cornered Universe.