i am back to total sicky self again. but i have hope this time that it will pass...it has already and it will again. i am back to having a struggle just making it to an appointment. but i believe it can't last. i am a bit stressed and all these things i have react to stress it seems. it is very tied in to the immune system.

i worry it will be a drag for j. but he is so cool about it all so far. he is just a wonderful person. i just wanted everything to be alright. i wanted to be all well for this new love in my life. i just thought i was better finally.

there are just too many issues all at once. they just all add up. i don't know. i have to make it to an appointment tomorrow now. i can't miss this time. it just is sometimes i can't get there. i just will cross my fingers.

this all over the body pain thing is something i know too well from this past year. i am not sure how i have been so patient all this time. i mean i really don't know. i think i must have more faith and hope than i realize sometimes.

i need to soak in the tub. i need a hot spring under the stars. oh but don't ever put your head underwater in a natural hot spring. it is creepy. there is a parasite that thives in that hot water that can kill you really fast while it eats your brain. it travels through the nose into the brain. not enough people know about this. they often have warnings at hot springs but not all of them...

i am i guess once again overwhelmed by this time of year. i am not even doing much for xmas but it gets me anyways. i am getting a bad headache now....goodnight.