Elizabeth Brackbill
The Icarus Project
Fall 2006
Brad Lewis

Events in the Fall of 2006 and Their Role in Developing the Icarus Project at NYU

    In the beginning of the Fall 2006 semester, Sascha and I went to Brad Lewis’s first Mad Science/Mad Pride class of the year.  Brad decided to begin and end his course with visits from the Icarus Project.  In that class we were able to facilitate a discussion in which people opened up right away and connected the material to their personal lives.  In the Mad Science/Mad Pride class I was in the year before when it took until the end of the semester for any person to talk about their personal lives.  In that class it we didn’t meet Sascha until the end, and no one told his or her own story until Sascha came in to tell his.  Because Sascha attended the first class this year, they we were willing to talk about their own lives on the first day of class.  That same day both Dorsi and Neil decided they wanted to join us for the semester and become interns. 
    A couple of weeks later, we had an event at the Judson Church called “Get Your Freak On.”  During the first half of the event we had multiple workshops throughout the day.  The second half of the event consisted of performances by various artists who were friends and members of the Icarus Project, including Kate Bornstein.  We chose the Judson Church as a venue with the hope that NYU students would attend the event.  Though there were some NYU students present, most people there were New York City Icarus members.  Even though there were only few NYU students there that day, this event helped our efforts for community building at NYU because it gave us many ideas and paved the road for future events at NYU. 
    After the work for that event subsided, we facilitated our first Icarus at NYU meeting at Gallatin.  Kesia Constantine, the counselor who oversees what we do at NYU, was present at this meeting.  I was pleased with the number of students who showed up, but I was not happy with how the meeting went.  It was very difficult to make people comfortable enough to discuss their personal experiences or what mental health means to them.  I knew people wanted to be there for a reason, but I didn’t understand why they were so unwilling to speak and contribute to the meeting. At the end of the meeting I spoke with a girl who seemed especially interested in what we were doing.  In our conversation she told me that had she known a counselor would be present, she would not have attended the meeting.  The second she told me this, I understood why people had a difficult time engaging in the meeting. I realized that we had created an image of a non-hierarchical, peer-based group, so that is what people were expecting when they came to the meeting.  The students who showed up at our meeting were most likely seeking a space to talk where there wouldn’t be an authoritative figure present.  Having Kesia present ruined the potential dynamic of the group.  She prevented us from being able to open up and get to know each other to begin working towards forming supportive relationships. 
    After that we ceased having meetings for all of Gallatin but continued to have weekly intern meetings.  Occasionally other students would show up and they always had great stories to tell that taught us a lot, but it was generally just the interns and sometimes Sascha in attendance.  We attempted to get students’ stories and opinions about their experiences with the counseling center.  We made a flyer, sent out emails to the listserv, and asked our friends for their stories.  This attempt essentially failed.  We each were able to get a couple of stories, but not enough to actually use them.  During these meetings we began to plan events for later in the semester and discussed creating a peer education program. 
    Soon after the Icarus at NYU meeting that failed, Sascha and I met with Kesia Constantine.  In that meeting I directly told her that I believed that she was the reason people weren’t getting anything out of the meetings and weren’t coming back.  I explained that we are trying to fill the gap to provide mental health for students who need it but are turned off by the counseling center.  I understood completely and agreed to help us negotiate with the administration to find a compromise that would be comfortable for all.  She understood that we needed more independence to be successful in building our community.  We discussed the potential of a peer education program, which would train students to recognize and deal with crisis appropriately.  She recommended putting together a workshop that we could begin to do with different groups on campus.  She agreed to speak with Paul Grayson about initiating discussions between the Icarus Project and the administration, which had ceased after they assigned Kesia to work with us.  After that meeting we realized that we should not wait for the administration to allow us to meet independently.  We decided to focus our energy on building community through workshops and events in order to create a path to a peer education program.  I’m glad we made that decision at that time, because as far as I know, Kesia has still not spoken to Paul Grayson about initiating the dialogue between Icarus and the administration. 
    During the second half of the semester we put on three events.  Each event taught me new important lessons on how to successfully bring together groups of people in order to build an Icarus community.  The first event was called “Holistic Health and Wellness.”  I brought in Miguel Maya to do an acupuncture presentation, and Sascha’s friend Paz to do a yoga workshop.  I had prepared a presentation on nutrition and mental health, but I didn’t get a chance to show all of it because everyone was so interested in the other aspects of the events that we ran out of time.  In this event we accomplished our goal of creating a safe space in which people felt comfortable to express themselves.  We were not directly talking about our personal experiences with mental health issues, but we were learning with each other and teaching each other how to take care of ourselves, our whole selves, both mind and body.   This creates a supportive environment, which is conducive to forming supportive relationships and ultimately a supportive community that knows how to take care of itself. 
    For the next event, Maryse came to do a version of her Sexual Diversities and Perversities Event, which was first done at “Get Your Freak On.”  The event was held in the LGBT lounge, which is one of the most comfortable spaces in the Kimmel building.  It feels much less sterile than the rest of the building.  Only a handful of people showed up, but for this type of event it worked well.  The small group created a more intimate dynamic and people were able to discuss extremely personal experiences, thoughts and feelings.  At the end of the event everyone seemed to really appreciate the opportunity to talk about things that we often hold inside.  Someone suggested that we continue the group next semester, and everyone seemed to like that idea.  This event was the closest we have come to accomplishing the original idea of facilitating meetings focused on support.  I realized that it was easier for people to talk about themselves when they have a focused topic, which acts as a vehicle for participants to express themselves and connect to others.  I also learned that sometimes it is better to have only a few people come to a workshop or meeting because it is easier to create a safe space.  People can become comfortable with each other much more quickly when there are fewer people to become comfortable with. 
    The fourth event was a screening of The Devil and Daniel Johnston, and a dinner and discussion afterward.  Brad Lewis, Neil and I gave an introduction to the film and facilitated the discussion afterward.  A surprising number of students showed up, more than any other event hosted by Icarus at NYU.  I expected students to leave after the film, but I’d say 25 to 30 people attended the discussion.  Many of them seemed engaged in the discussion and provoked by the ideas.  There were points during the conversation when I wanted to interject and make a point, but other students would say it before I even had a chance.  My favorite part was when a student posed the question of whether we should be working to change people to fit the system or working to change the system in order to accommodate the people, suggesting that we need to change the system. 
At the end of the event I had a line of students waiting to speak to me, all of whom were interested in the Icarus Project and what we are doing on campus.  After everyone had left, Neil, Will and I had an interesting conversation.  We talked about the success of the discussion and the students’ eagerness to speak.  Neil pointed out that it is easier to discuss the ideas surrounding radical mental health when it is in the context of a film, a text or a piece of art.  Once the individuals in the group are able to remove the discussion slightly from their own experience, it frees them to speak.  When the discussion is framed in the context of a film, it allows people to either discuss the film or their own experience.  It is much easier to begin a conversation about a film and someone else’s experience, than it is to begin with personal experiences.  Once the conversation has begun, and a safe space has been created, people are much more comfortable including their experiences, thoughts and emotions in the discussion.  In doing this event, I realized that it is easier for students to discuss mental health issues when there is a something to talk about that is removed from their own experience.  This new understanding will inform my approach to all the events that I plan for next semester.   
    The week after The Devil and Daniel Johnston event, Sascha and I attended Brad’s last Mad Science/Mad Pride class.   We spoke about our approaches to establishing a community of support and our efforts to change the current mainstream mental health system.  I was most interested in the students’ ideas on finding the best approach to establishing communities on college campuses.  One girl mentioned that she had been interested in the Icarus Project but feared that if she went to a support meeting, she might feel like she wasn’t welcome because thinks she “doesn’t suffer enough.”  She said that she might not be comfortable talking about her own experiences right away at a meeting.  She indicated that she would be much more comfortable coming to an event labeled as a “discussion” rather than a “support meeting.”  The rest of the class agreed that the ideas of the Icarus Project would be more approachable if they were put in the context of a text, a film, an art piece, etc.  It was great for me to hear my new ideas of how to approach building community on campus affirmed by a class who had been studying these issues for an entire semester.  If there were any students on campus who really understood what we are attempting to do, it would be students from the Mad Science/Mad Pride class.  Attending this class was another great learning experience for me, and now I am much more confident in my plans for hosting events and workshops to build community next semester.