I feel the things I see and hear.
I saw a pink flower yesterday; I felt its smooth-rough
texture inside my head, and I felt my brain curving around
it. Its outline, its colour, its weight and form: I could feel
them all - a texture and a direction in the back of my
head.

This often happens, but not always.

I feel words, too. Sometimes it is hard to concentrate on the
meaning the words are supposed to convey, because I am too
caught up in the texture and motion of them, in their mind-
curves and directions that I feel like a grainy surface or a
warm breeze.

But sometimes, it all goes wrong. I can't connect the textures
I feel with any outside reality; my thoughts become confused.
The feeling pains me, it feels like a scratching in the back
of my head, like someone is trying to scrape out my brain.
Words hurt me, especially spoken words. I can't concentrate;
I just want to scream because the feeling in my head is so
unbearable. But I don't scream. I just curl up and rock or
whimper or cry. I try to shut out all sensory input.

Is this insanity? Or are my senses just radically different
to most people's? Because sometimes I love being able to
feel things this way - a whole other world is opened up to
me because I can experience things differently.

I don't want the drugs to stop me from feeling flowers and
words. I just want them to stop the pain and the scratching
and the things that don't connect.