The next morning I sat in front of my computer and was so engrossed in editing that I chose to stay home instead of going to help out at my Mom’s store. I had an appointment at a social workers at 11:30, to discuss the steps needed to fight my disability insurance company in order for me to get my benefits I was entitled to. I had not received a wage since November and being it was June I was getting frustrated over my financial woes. The phone eventually rang to break my steady concentration. It was Canfor. There was a man on the line and he asked me for my mailing address for he had some cheques for me. I asked what the cheques were for and he told me they were all from the insurance company, they did not have my new address so they were sending them to Canfor. “How many cheques?” I asked and he replied that they had been sending them since December. What a relief that swept through the whole of my being, I felt suddenly secure that good things happen to those that have let go of worrying.

So having hung up the phone I felt no desire to write any longer and got ready for the day ahead of me. I hopped in my car and as I turned the key in the ignition I put out a little notice for the universe stating I was extremely sensitive at the moment and if it had a special message for me, now would be the time to give it. As I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed the song on the radio was one I hadn’t heard for a long time...

Hey, Hey
Did you ever think there might be another way?
To just feel better, just feel better about today (This sounds promising, could there be a better way to feel than to harbour the feeling of coming into a large sum of money?)

Oh no-
If you never want to have

To turn and go away, (from my dreams and goals I am thinking this would be what would be in mention of here)
You might feel better
Might feel better if you stay. (In my delusional world is where I am, shall I stay in this state of mind? It is so hard to exist here, so lonely yet never alone, so very easy to remain in this place)

Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard a word I've said (no, I hear you, and the words are forming images, bringing me memories, and inspiring thought)
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough of all your trying (I have had so much more than enough but have I ever started to even try? I may just be in wanting.)
Just give up (give up? How?)
The state of mind you're in: (Oh my ghad, this song is sending me careening! It is so right in a world so wrong, it is speaking right to me, is it telling me to give up? Is it telling me I should forget that I can speak to the earth, and the great insurmountable sense of unachievable goals of fixing what my fellow man has done, a dream in which I have no roots, no firm molecular grasp... GHAD IT IS ALL IN MY HEAD....!!!...!!!... I am nothing, I am matter that does not matter simply blowing in the wind)

[Chorus]
If you want to be somebody else, (who shall I be if I were no longer to strive to be me?)
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself (The battle within, of all the words that have ever been said, of all the things ever done, it is my own perception as to whether I choose to let the thought of good or evil to have won)
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind, change your mind.

Hey hey-
Have you ever danced in the rain (all the time)
Or thanked the sun just for shining- just for shining (you know I do)
Or the sea? (every time I saw)
Oh no! Take it all in (I do more than anyone I know in the world can, I do, I take it all in, I feel enough for all, I see enough for a city of ignorance, know more that a multitude of hosts)
The world's a show, (I know, and I am the main character, the world revolves around me)
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow. (thank you, I feel very good right now, maybe there could be something done to keep me illuminated?)

Yeah yeah
I hope you heard every word I’ve said. (I’m starting to know that this song at this time is a clear message, I hear every word as if they are directed totally to me, like the singer was inspired at its creation with the universe whispering it to them having me in mind, all things in time coordinated to this moment)
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough of all your trying (I am tired of thinking this way, a way that has a medical terminology called “mania, psychosis, delusions” why can’t I be sane? Why is it I have to read into everything in the thought that it pertains to my very existence in remarkable ways? Why do I have the feelings that I have to take the entire suffering of the world on my shoulders and feel responsible for the failings of a spiritually injured species?) 
Just give up (but how?)
The state of mind you're in: (Maybe I should change my mind, maybe I should settle down and stop trying to change the world)

[Chorus]

Hey hey-
what ya say
We both go and seize the day. (I think of the one who in which I wait, that could be the only "we" and is it a future for us?  How much stronger one rides the winds of heaven with another in connection to the source?  A dream)
'Cause what's your hurry; what's your hurry anyway? (I better slow down and listen more to what the song has to say... I check my speedometer and although I was doing the speed limit I was also driving under the influence of a vision and slowed down to accommodate my decreased concentration on the road)

Yeah yeah
I hope you’ve heard every word I've said (I have, and I am as of yet confused what the words mean)
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough of all your tryin' (A huge amount of trying, all seemingly in vain)
Just give up
The state of mind you're in: (Is that permission I feel? Permission to release myself from the endless pursuit of opening the physical world to the illumination of the spiritual world?)

If you want to be somebody else, (I want to be free, and dull to the pulls of a relentless messianic existence, worrying myself to death over my “sins” or simple human failings, while endeavouring to become the supreme, the open hearted, the bringer of light into darkness)
If you're tired of losing battles with yourself (I am so undecided as to reality, one side of me thinks I am crazy, the other thinks I am the greatest person who has ever lived)
If you want to be somebody else, (I do, I want to be beautiful and self centered like most everybody else, I do not want to know about the suffering of the planet, the suffering of the animals, and how man is a disease on the flesh of the earth. I want to think of people, and BBQ’s, and fun and bars, and the simple shit of life)
 

Change your mind, change your mind.(and at this point I drive past these two women with amazing bodies who are jogging in their proper spandex attire with ponytails poking out from under their baseball hats and I think maybe I should be like them, fully integrated into what society considers beautiful by physical standards, and just worry about myself and forget the rest of the planet, it would be easier... and I think that the synchronicity of the moment has told me that I can be like them and lose it all away, I can give up and win back my own life in this lifetime, forgetting eternity, forgetting destiny, forgetting!!!)
 

Change your mind, change your mind. (And then I look down at my lower torso and think of how much I have been through to make me who I was at that time, how perfect I was already with the body of a bear... for I was little bear was I not? And how could I ever change that? Would that ever leave me?) 

Out of your mind, out of your mind,(and at that moment a black bear runs out from the forest at the side of the highway, up the bank and onto the road right in front of my car. I stopped my car to allow it safe passage and as I was stopped on the highway...)
Just lose your mind.(I watched as it jumped the cement barrier that separated the four lanes of the highway and it ran in front of a hoard of oncoming vehicles and back into the forest, all the while wondering just how much more I had to lose my mind to gain it)

 

-Sister Hazel-

 

Stunned by the synchronicity of the day, I considered following the route of the bear in an attempt to physically search it out. Especially since the night before I was receiving moments of inspiration where the next step of my spiritual evolution consisted the breaking down of walls and boundaries and reaching out and making contact with a physical bear. But the next song on the radio had begun and held me transfixed while it brought me on another synchronistic journey and I felt comfortable that I was not meant to follow that particular bear that day. 

 

The song was ‘I Just Came Back to Say Goodbye’ by Irving Berlin and really all I got was those very words... I just came back to say goodbye... before I was taken on an epic journey into the world of an animated vision; I had a friend who was a bear or is simply the whole species of bear, which I conceive is more plausible, as it appeared that this bear was sending me images from the visit I had with the bear on the beach way back in my past; and after all this time it still had felt a need for closure for leaving me without a goodbye. So this time the spirit of the bear world could feel I needed a boost within my mission of ultimate truth, a reminder of how it felt to be connected, through the process of reaffirming within me that I was a spiritual warrior specialized and selected by the animal kingdom it also wanted me to know of the magnitude of the strength of the bear, capable of communicating through thought and time and space...