Sundays are always lazy here in Eugene, and for that I am grateful! It's been an interesting 3 weeks of January. I have not felt well in the mental department. So, when I woke up this morning, I was clear again. A little foggy but clear of unwanted thoughts, etc...I just felt that clarity that I associate with "normality". Also, that ringing in my head seemed toned down a notch. To top it off, we broke our lazy afternoon with a trip to the grocery store and I did not have any anxiety pop up. Ahhh,. it feels so nice!

What is interesting about this is that I have been on the emotional side of life that past 24 hours. I have a wonderful grandmother who is within a week of passing. I spoke with her last night on the phone and it really was difficult for me. I did make her laugh, and I pride myself on putting a smile on peoples face with my humor! But, the last thing she said was that she was very tired and did I know what she was talking about....I did. She asked how my father was doing...grandma always liked my dad! She said she loved me, I told her the same and that was it. We're about a thousand miles apart so it is tough for me to get on a plane and to be there for her last days. I am not so sure I would be able to handle it mentally. My cousin is there helping out with hospice and making her comfortable.....my cousin is a great guy all around! I did tell my cousin that if he needed me, I would make it happen...I would need some kind of med for the plane trip, uggggh.

We did travel as a family to visit my grandmother this summer. She was able to get around then although you could tell she was having trouble. My daughter was able to meet her great grandmother for the first time and is old enough to remember her. So I think that's the way I want to leave things, the way we left her this summer. I did tell my cousin that if he needed me, I would make it happen...I would need some kind of med for the plane trip.

So I had a couple good cries today. One with my family, I am not sure if my Daughter has seen me cry before, but we had a sad but nice family moment. I went into my studio for a bit today and listened to the amazing Paul Weller record, "Stanley Road"...cried some more and got happy. I'm a sensitive fella!

Overall, not a bad day! Sad, but good in it's own way. I am still not ready for "the call"...but a little pre-grieving seems to help. Tonight I will be breaking my 8:30 curfew and stepping out to see the Circle Jerks. Have some coffee and grab the earplugs for an old man's big night out! Looking forward to seeing the band. The first time they played here was 82 and I missed that. The next time they were set to play was 84....I think...and they cancelled at the last moment causing a big uproar in the scene. I think tonight will be good for me! I'm also meeting up with some of the guys who will be playing my Joe Strummer tribute show in August....more on that later!

Thanks for reading!

Eric