And after the whole day was nearly over, when you could feel the end coming near despite the fact that it would happen all over again the next day, the same cycle of waking up feeling sick to the stomach, having to hear the ladies behind me chatter which causes me anxiety, the telephone calls, the emails from the the scary people wanting something done. Even knowing all that was coming, I felt a sense of peace at around 2 because that's when I know there won't probably be calls, everything is winding down. You feel strong like you maybe could handle it, but you know its a miracle you got through the day and every day is unknown, you could go crazy, you could go mad, you could break down and start yellin at somebody something crazy and be immediately laughed at, slapped down, or taken out. I'd want that break to happen, I'd be fired possibly put into a hospital which I love. What is fear? Never dying. That this life is continous and you never die. That's hell.