telescope.

poem.

ringing in my ears won't stop
these bolts of pain haven't gone away

looking at saturn through a telescope
all i see specs of yellow and grey

burned my hand on the kitchen stove
up all night these thoughts are here to stay

drive out to a diner near some highway
i have no money so many bills to pay
i try to sleep through the day

turning my phone off keep you away
please understand it isn't your fault
this time of year is always a fault

a crack in time like a crack in my spine
everytime you come around you says it's fine

maybe in time you're right
but now it's nowhere in sight

so i've been haning around this place for way too long. it's weird, i say i'll get myself together but four years later in a different city with different friends i'm exactly the same... makes me so depressed.

i just um, totally can't see it ever getting better. i just don't get life or myself, or anyone else. i get so frustrated. this- whatever this is- does not feel good. it doesn't feel right. life. weird. i'm not so sure about it. i was only seventeen when i tried to kill myself. i'm gunna be twenty in august, i feel it coming back around me. need to figure this shit out.