what is it about May and this site? just noticed that the last (and only other) time I logged in was this month.

well what's different from last year and very apropos to this site is i'm now on only depakote, as of a few weeks ago. the first time on only one med (as opposed to 2) in over a decade, most of my so-called bipolar life. I'm really really hoping i can get away with it, but i haven't been too happy the last few weeks. the lamictal was supposed to fill the antidepressant role with its "more robust" support for the depressive side, but I didn't like the side effects, or the idea of being on medication at all, so i decided to taper off of it.  I was hopeful after everything i've read here and elsewhere that I could get by without it if i wanted it enough, and if I take omega-3 oil tablets and do all-out cardio every single day. how can you be depressed if you sprint every day, right? i don't see why this would not work. I am not dramatically ill. i've never even been in the hospital for depression. but my life is slipping away and i'm going nowhere and i have no partner/family of my own and my parents are getting old and when they go I won't be able to handle it. I have such an infinite appreciation for tragedy and if one could see inside my head they'd think that I just love being morbid. I am in an ecstasy of endless sadness. this side is all welling up and hitting me at once after i avoided it desperately for so long. I used to be described as "happy go lucky". I couldn't stand those goth types, I embraced the opposite. Now i know why. now i've looked into the void and can't look away. I'm not really bipolar, am i? this just sounds like complaining... the question of this LABEL drives me crazy. what IS it?? there is no such thing as "bipolar". It's just a meaningless word, floating around, for people to use however they choose.

ok, i won't mess with the depakote anytime soon but i really really don't want to need anything else. if i could just get my life going and some kind of support network in place i think i could do it.