i am coming off of medications. hopefully once and for all. everything hurts and i am cold. i don't think my blood is moving around very well in my body. i don't want to have to take any seroquel tonight. but if things get bad again like the other night i might have to. i feel like i'm yoked to this stuff and i want to get away from it. yes it did help me when i needed the help. and maybe i still need the help. but i can't live like this. yoked to a pack of psychiatric medications that change my body and mind so much, i'm not the same person when i'm on all that stuff. i can't sing. that was the real eye opener. i didn't understand before this round that the drugs were going to fuck with my voice. i can't have that happening. not now, not ever. but what happens to me if i lose it again? what happens if reality cracks and crumbles into pieces? what happens if the nightmare comes back? what happens if hell comes back? i am scared. at least i have a supply of these drugs so i can dose myself if i need to. i feel sick. nausea and brain fever. i can't stare at this screen any more right now. have to go.